🧠 Inside Niel’s Brain: The Good vs. Evil Showdown (Cruise Ship Edition) 🚢🦹♂️😇
GOOD NIEL (in a calm meditation voice):
“Ahhh… the sea breeze. The sunshine. The lemon tarts.
Maybe this is finally a sign to relax…
Maybe #Nextdoor is quiet because they’re reforming.”
EVIL NIEL (cape flapping in the wind somehow despite being indoors):
“REFORMING?!
#Nextdoor hasn’t posted in DAYS.
NIRAV has disappeared like a moderator who sees an ‘appeal suspension’ email!”
GOOD NIEL:
“You’re on a cruise. Enjoy it.
Look at the ocean.
Touch grass… well… touch deck flooring.”
EVIL NIEL:
“But what if they’re in a bunker right now…
Plotting Version 12 of the ‘Delete Niel’s Comments’ initiative?
What if the intern is firing up the Commodore 64 again?”
GOOD NIEL:
“You don’t need to check LinkedIn every 30 seconds.”
EVIL NIEL:
“Oh? Oh???"
What if they post something absurdly ironic again?
Like a statement about ‘transparency’ or ‘open dialogue’?
I MUST BE READY.”
GOOD NIEL:
“Just breathe… eat dessert… enjoy the cruise…”
EVIL NIEL:
“Enjoy the cruise?!
HOW CAN I ENJOY THE CRUISE
WHEN #NEXTDOOR IS AT DEFCON SILENCE?!
Is the President pacing the war room?
Are the moderators knitting stress–sweaters??
Are they rationing the Boudin bread??”
GOOD NIEL:
“Maybe they’re finally afraid.
Maybe the Flammlandia betting comics broke them.”
EVIL NIEL:
“Or worse…
Maybe they’re plotting something BIGGER.
A new feature…
A new button…
A new policy called:
‘Automatic Removal of All Comments Written Within 500 Miles of Charleston.’”
GOOD NIEL:
“Or maybe… just maybe… You should get a refill on your coffee and go sit by the water.”
EVIL NIEL:
“…Fine.
But bring the phone.
Just in case.
For research.”
NARRATOR (your cruise brain):
“And so Niel continues his journey— one man… one cruise… two inner voices… and zero posts from #Nextdoor to keep him entertained.”
