“Digging In” — A Totally Fictional #Nextdoor Boardroom Dialogue

Nirav Tolia (CEO):

“Alright, everyone, let’s be clear. I’ve dug my heels in. We are going to lead a company whose mission is connecting neighbors—without allowing people to connect in ways that make leadership uncomfortable.”

Board Member #1:

“Just to clarify… you’re saying fewer comments, fewer conversations, more control?”

Nirav:

“Exactly. Connection is great—as long as it’s quiet, curated, and doesn’t ask questions.”

Board Member #2:

“And the feedback from users?”

Nirav:

“We’ll call it ‘noise.’ Much easier.”

Board Member #3:

“There’s been repeated outreach from a shareholder in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina. He’s asking for better-equipped, non-anonymous moderators—help for U.S. communities facing hunger. Open dialogue with leadership. Thoughts?”

Nirav (waves hand):

“I will not be bullied into submission by some dude in Mount Pleasant asking for accountability, transparency, and—what was the third thing?”

Intern (checking notes):

“Uh… actually listening to neighbors?”

Nirav:

“Right. That one. Hard pass.”

Board Member #1:

“But helping hungry communities in the U.S.—that aligns with our mission.”

Nirav:

“Only if it fits the content calendar.”

Board Member #2:

“And anonymous moderators with no oversight?”

Nirav:

“Perfect system. No names, no accountability, no follow-up.”

Intern:

“Sir… respectfully… isn’t that the opposite of connecting people?”

Nirav:

“Look, we connect people spiritually. Through blog posts. With comments turned off.”

Board Chair (sighs):

“So the strategy is… dig in, don’t change, don’t engage, and hope the questions stop?”

Nirav (confidently):

“That’s leadership.”

Intern (quietly):

“Or… It’s avoidance.”

(The room goes silent.)

Mime in the corner (pretending to build an invisible wall):

…

Board Chair:

“Meeting adjourned.”

#InternLife #CorporateClown #MimeStrategy #PRGoneWrong #TechComedy #Infotainment #SatireAtWork #LetUsersSpeak #OpenTheComments #CommunityFirst #VoiceOfTheUser #CustomerFeedback #ShareholderVoice #AdvertiserTrust #Nextdoor #NiravTolia