🤣 All-Employee Meeting at Nextdoor HQ — The Nextflix Partnership Crisis 🤣

(A fictional parody — none of this actually happened.)

Nirav (President/CEO):
“Alright, team, gather up! Today is huge. We are officially rolling out the #Nextdoor + #Netflix Partnership. This is MAJOR. This is BIG. This is… well, it’s something.”

CMO Brandy Buzzwords:
“Yes! Engagement! Synergy! Cross-platform vibrancy! Hyperlocal cinematic alignment!”

Employee #1 (quietly):
“…Does that mean people can comment again?”

Nirav (jaw tightening just a bit):
“Absolutely not.
Step one: Hype up the partnership.
Step two: Turn. Off. Comments. Everywhere.
We cannot risk Niel responding. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?”

The room nods nervously.

CISO Cy R. Breach:
“Sir, uh… what if we miss one? The system isn’t perfect.”

Nirav:
“Then FIND IT. DELETE IT. Do whatever you must. We cannot have another ‘Niel Situation.’ I still have nightmares about the Commodore 64 meltdown.”

Intern Healpmee:
“Sir, with all due respect… maybe we should just talk to him?”

Whole room:
GASP
One employee drops a water bottle.
Another faints behind a ficus tree.

Nirav:
“Talk? To Niel? After he BOUGHT SHARES?? After he COMMENTED??
No… no. We silence the chaos with strategy.
We turn off comments!”

After the Meeting…

Employee #2 (whispering):
“Did you turn off comments on your #Netflix repost?”

Employee #3:
“…I forgot.”

Employee #2:
“YOU WHAT?!”

Suddenly, an overhead announcement echoes:

📢 “Employee 3, please report to Conference Room B.
This is… a conversation.”

Employee #3:
“Oh no. Oh NO. I left comments ON?! Niel’s going to repost… with commentary!”

Moments later, across the building…

Employee #4:
“Guys—GUYS. It’s too late. He already reposted… and the comments are live.
Niel STRIKES AGAIN.”

Nirav, somewhere down the hall:
“WHO DID THIS?! WHO LEFT THEM ON?!
WE HAD ONE JOB!”