Fistulagram #4: The Gown of Shame Is On

Well, here we go again.

It’s 6:30 AM, and I’m officially at the hospital for Fistulagram #4.

So far, the morning checklist is moving along beautifully:

Co-pay made. 💳

Consent signed. ✍️

Gown of shame on. 👗

Dignity safely stored somewhere with my clothes.

Now?

I wait.

Specifically, I wait for the vascular surgeon to prance into the room and announce that it’s time to go ballooning.

And unfortunately, I don't mean the kind where we float peacefully over Napa Valley drinking champagne.

This balloon is going inside my dialysis access.

Why Am I Here Again?

The purpose of today's fistulagram is to check the blood flow through my AV graft—the access used during dialysis.

Contrast dye and X-rays allow the doctor to see whether there are areas that have narrowed. If there are, a small balloon can be inflated inside the vessel to open things back up and hopefully give me better blood flow during dialysis.

This is my fourth time having the procedure, so at this point I'm starting to feel like I should have a punch card.

Buy four fistulagrams, get the fifth balloon inflation FREE!

Actually...

Please don't give anyone ideas.

And Yes, I'm Doing It Awake

As I've mentioned before, I choose to do these without anesthesia or pain medication so I can drive myself home afterward.

Which means when they inflate that balloon...

I can feel it.

It's pressure from the inside of my arm, which is every bit as strange as it sounds.

The actual procedure should take roughly 30 minutes. Getting everything ready beforehand takes about another 30 minutes.

But first comes the traditional hospital activity practiced by patients everywhere:

Waiting.

I'm in the bed.

I'm wearing the gown.

I've paid for admission.

I've signed away whatever needed signing.

I haven't eaten or had anything to drink since midnight, so thankfully I have not transformed into a Gremlin.

Now all that's missing is my vascular surgeon.

Whenever you're ready, Doc.

I'll just be sitting here in my fashionable open-back ensemble waiting for you to prance through that door.

🎈🩺😂

Fistulagram #4 is officially underway.

Stay tuned for the post-balloon report.