Celebrating the Founding of Tau Epsilon Phi
Today, October 10, marks the founding of Tau Epsilon Phi—a fraternity built on fellowship, growth, and a commitment to making a positive difference.
Since pledging in the fall of 1990, I’ve had some amazing experiences and made memories I’ll always value. Tau Epsilon Phi has given me countless opportunities, taught me so much about navigating the world as a man, and encouraged me to make a positive impact on the people and communities around me.
I’m proud to be a member and grateful for the brotherhood and lessons that have shaped my journey. Happy Founders’ Day to my TEP brothers!
Roasting Each Other, Showing Up for Each Other
I saw this video about friends who roast each other, and it reminded me of my fraternity brothers in Tau Epsilon Phi, Phi Chi Chapter, formerly Epsilon Lambda, at City College of New York. I pledged in Fall 1990. That means I’ve known some of these guys for more than 35 years.
We still get together on Zoom when we can, usually Tuesdays and Fridays. The calls often run about two hours, and they’re so much fun that even a 14-year-old wants to join the insanity.
And there is plenty of insanity. We roast each other about my eyebrows, our dating and marriage decisions, the questionable things we did at the fraternity house in historic Harlem, pranks, a WWE DDT episode, hairlines that have seen better days, and how fat we’ve gotten. If you can imagine it, we’ve probably said it.
But the jokes are only part of the story. When life gets tough, and someone needs help, the same guys who can roast you without mercy will make time to show up for you. That kind of friendship is built over decades—and proven when it matters.
Our creed says it best: “To Live in the Light of Friendship, to Walk in the Path of Chivalry, to Serve for the Love of Service.”
Some of us may be more dependable than others, but the brothers who stay in touch—and stay in touch with me—are the ones I know I can count on. Even if the emergency involves a goat, a bottle of baby oil, and a cord of wood.
Reggae, Ska & a Good Cause: Catch The Phensic at ServeHAITI’s Sip & Paint
If you love reggae and ska, add this to your calendar! The Phensic will headline the ServeHAITI Sip & Paint Fundraiser on Saturday, November 14, from 3–6 PM, at the Toby Katz Community Center in West Orange, New Jersey.
This one has a personal connection: my friend and fraternity brother told me he’ll be sharing a new Phensic track with me on October 8. I’m looking forward to hearing it—and sharing more when it arrives!
November’s fundraiser brings together music, painting, food, and drinks for an afternoon supporting ServeHAITI. Whether you come for the band, pick up a paintbrush, or bring friends along for the cause, there’s plenty to enjoy.
Admission includes painting, food, drinks, and music:
Adults: $85
Children ages 10–13: $45
Couple or two people: $150
Mark your calendar, bring your creativity, and join us for music and community in support of Haiti!
One Billion Dollars, Bologna Pools, and the Evolution of the Fraternity Lottery Pool
Well...
We've done it.
Not won the Powerball.
We've evolved into a full-fledged financial institution.
The Powerball jackpot has officially reached $1 BILLION, with a one-time cash option of approximately $433.1 million before taxes.
Naturally, I already built another spreadsheet.
At this point, I should probably put "Lottery Pool CFO" on my LinkedIn profile.
It Started Innocently...
If memory serves, this whole adventure started about a month ago.
I suggested we throw a few bucks together.
Fast forward several drawings later, and we've played Powerball, Mega Millions, more Powerball, and then some more because apparently none of us learned anything.
I'd estimate our fraternity has now spent around $1,200–$1,500 chasing the dream.
That's enough money to buy a decent used car.
Instead, we own a growing collection of paper with numbers on them.
We've Become Spreadsheet People
This isn't just "buy some tickets."
No.
We've gone full corporate.
I've created spreadsheets showing:
Jackpot odds.
Prize probabilities.
Estimated after-tax winnings.
Per-person payouts.
Cash option calculations.
Different scenarios based on how many brothers are playing.
I don't think anyone has ever over-engineered losing the lottery quite like we have.
The Investment Committee Speaks
One thing I actually love is how the group operates.
We've had a few smaller wins.
Instead of everyone demanding their $4.37 immediately, the majority decided to let some of the winnings ride and buy more tickets.
Ladies and gentlemen...
We've accidentally invented a hedge fund.
A terrible hedge fund.
But a hedge fund nonetheless.
The $1 Billion Spreadsheet
Yes...
There's already a spreadsheet.
Of course there is.
It breaks down exactly what every fraternity brother would receive if we hit the jackpot based on the current pool.
The numbers are ridiculous.
The conversations are even better.
Responsible Financial Planning
People always ask what they'd do if they suddenly became rich.
Our discussions have not exactly been...
...traditional.
Ideas include:
Building an in-ground swimming pool...
...and filling it entirely with bologna.
Hiring someone whose only job is to tell us when Powerball reaches another billion.
Buying matching golf carts just to drive to the mailbox.
Renting a movie theater every Friday because deciding what to stream is exhausting.
Purchasing a private island where absolutely no one is allowed to ask, "Can I borrow a little money?"
Starting a charitable foundation dedicated to replacing every broken fraternity couch in America.
Buying Harris Teeter stock just to thank the cashier who's watched me buy hundreds of dollars in lottery tickets without asking too many questions.
Will We Win?
Statistically?
Probably not.
But for the price of a few tickets, we've bought weeks of laughs, spreadsheets nobody asked for, Discord debates, ridiculous financial planning sessions, and enough jokes to last until the next drawing.
That's not a bad return on investment.
Although...
A billion dollars would still be nice.
The Powerball Department Is Now Open: 120 Tickets, 12 Brothers, and the Niel Tax™
I put together a lot more than just buying 120 Powerball tickets this week.
Somewhere between spreadsheets, probability calculations, payout estimates, tax assumptions, and trying to explain to a group of fraternity brothers why $4 divided by 12 doesn't make anyone rich, I may have accidentally become the Chief Financial Officer of the Tau Epsilon Phi Lottery Department.
The easy part is collecting everyone's $20.
The hard part is answering the important questions.
“What are our odds?”
With 120 unique tickets:
Jackpot: about 1 in 2,435,012
Percentage chance: 0.0000411%
Any prize: approximately 99.27%
Chance of winning nothing: approximately 0.73%
Then came the inevitable follow-up.
“What happens if we actually win?”
Now we're talking.
Using the current estimated $856 million advertised jackpot and an estimated $372 million cash option, with 12 brothers, everyone would receive approximately:
Prize Estimated Take-Home Per Brother
Jackpot $17.67 million
$1,000,000 $47,500
$50,000 $2,375
$100 $4.75
Then I looked at the remaining prize tiers.
A $7 prize split twelve ways is...
58 cents.
A $4 prize?
33 cents.
Unfortunately, Zelle has one tiny flaw in its business model:
It won't let me send you 33 cents.
Therefore, after careful consultation with absolutely nobody, I have created what will forever be known as...
The Niel Tax™
Any prize that works out to less than $1 per participant will be retained by the Lottery Commissioner — me — as a convenience fee for:
Collecting everyone's money
Buying the tickets
Tracking the numbers
Calculating the odds
Estimating federal and South Carolina taxes
Explaining for the fifteenth time that “1 in 2.4 million” is actually pretty good compared to one ticket
And, perhaps most importantly, avoiding the embarrassment of sending eleven separate Zelle payments for 33 cents
Think of it as an administrative processing fee.
Or a beverage fund.
Or reimbursement for the gas it takes to drive to Harris Teeter while getting strange looks from the cashier after buying what appears to be enough lottery tickets to finance a small nation.
If we win the jackpot, I promise to waive the Niel Tax.
If we win $4...
Well...
Congratulations.
I just earned another Coke Zero.
Good luck, Lotto Dudes.
Somebody has to win.