After Dialysis, Assisted Living Tours and Complaints: I Need the Ocean and Bacon

Today was one of those days when my internal battery was already flashing red before I walked through the door.

After dialysis, I toured The Palms, an assisted living facility I'm considering for Mom.

Today's dialysis was a little more difficult than Monday's. By the time everything was finished, I didn't even make it to my recovery meeting.

Instead, I had another mission:

Deliver Mom's dinner.

Ham, grits, and peas.

Gross.

I'm sure someone loves that combination. That someone is not me.

So, after dialysis and touring The Palms, I headed over to the skilled nursing facility with Mom's meal.

And then the complaining began.

Apparently, Everything Is Terrible

It was nonstop.

The food.

Physical therapy.

Nursing.

This.

That.

Something else.

At times, Mom was saying things that, from my perspective, didn't line up with what had actually happened. I've experienced that before with both of my parents, and today I didn't have much energy left to sort through what was accurate, what was frustration, and what might have been something else entirely.

I could feel myself reaching my limit.

That's when H.A.L.T. popped into my head.

Hungry.

Angry.

Lonely.

Tired.

I was feeling three out of the four.

I'll let everyone guess which three.

Actually, don't think about it too hard.

The important part was recognizing what was happening before I allowed myself to get dragged into an argument that wasn't going to accomplish anything.

See You Tomorrow

I finally told Mom I was going to leave and that I'd see her tomorrow.

Tomorrow, I'm touring another assisted living facility.

Her response?

“Don't come.”

My response?

“See you tomorrow.”

At this point, it felt less like a discussion and more like defiance.

Ugh.

Yesterday, I wrote about needing to establish boundaries. Today was another opportunity, actually, to practice one.

I didn't argue.

I didn't address every complaint.

I didn't stay there until I was completely exhausted and angry.

I left.

Sometimes that's the healthiest option available.

I'm Still Doing the Work

The frustrating part is that behind all these conversations, I'm still trying to do what Mom has said she wants.

She wants assisted living.

So I'm touring assisted living facilities.

I'm looking at rooms.

I'm learning about services.

I'm figuring out costs.

I'm asking questions.

I'm trying to imagine what her life might look like in each place.

Then I walk into the skilled nursing facility and hear complaint after complaint about the place she's currently living.

I understand that she's frustrated. She's been through a lot.

But I've been through a few things myself.

Today alone started with dialysis, moved into an assisted living tour, and ended with me delivering ham, grits, and peas while listening to a review of practically every department in the building.

Eventually, the tank is empty.

Mine was empty.

So I went home.

Tomorrow, I'll get up and do it again.

Another facility.

Another tour.

Another visit with Mom, regardless of today's “don't come.”

And hopefully another reminder to myself that I don't have to solve everything in one day.

I Need the Ocean and Bacon

Fortunately, I have something waiting for me at the end of October.

I'm going on a cruise.

And after the last few weeks, I think I've identified exactly what I need:

The ocean and bacon.

Lots of ocean.

An unreasonable amount of bacon.

Maybe I'll sit somewhere, looking out over the water, holding a plate stacked with bacon and doing absolutely nothing for anyone.

No assisted living tours.

No skilled nursing complaints.

No ham, grits, and peas.

No problem-solving.

Just me, the ocean, and enough breakfast meat to concern a cardiologist.

But first, tomorrow.

Another assisted living facility.

Another visit with Mom.

Because even when she says, “Don't come,” sometimes I know what she really needs is for me to keep showing up.

So...

See you tomorrow, Mom.

More Ships, Fewer Excuses: My Travel Plans for Late 2026 and 2027

My calendar is starting to look like I’m avoiding being home. I kinda am.

There’s Las Vegas. There’s Cozumel on Halloween. There’s a fraternity alumni holiday gathering with a name that covers several celebrations at once. And there are cruises, because apparently my preferred way to unpack once is to have the entire hotel move.

I get to live this life—the only one I have—and I’m putting a few more things on the calendar worth looking forward to.

First up: Las Vegas, with a Filipino accent

In early October, I have a Saturday ticket to Pinoy Fest in Las Vegas. I love the Filipino culture, the food, and the people, so this was an easy decision.

Just Saturday. I’m trying to show some restraint in this travel schedule.

Halloween in Cozumel

At the end of October, I’m sailing on Royal Caribbean’s Radiance of the Seas: leave Tampa, spend a day at sea, stop in Cozumel on Halloween, enjoy another day at sea, and return to Tampa.

I’ve taken a Halloween cruise before. It was interesting. On a cruise, you already spend some time wondering about people’s wardrobe decisions. Halloween adds the question, “Is that a costume, or just his vacation shirt?”

Radiance is a smaller, more classic ship, without all the newer attractions—the water slides, ice-skating rink, Johnny Rockets, and so on. That suits me. I don’t need every vacation to include an amusement park and a waiver.

A ship, the ocean, and time to enjoy both will do nicely.

ChrisKwanukah and the $30 pancake

December 13, 2026, is the Tau Epsilon Phi, Phi Chi Alumni Club ChrisKwanukah event.

I went last year, flying into HPN, where a bit of snow wreaked havoc. Somewhere in that experience, I ended up with a $30 pancake and Diet Pepsi.

For that price, I felt the pancake should at least have helped with my luggage.

Still, I’m planning to return. Seeing people matters. Shared history matters. Apparently, I’m also willing to give winter air travel another opportunity to test my personality.

Trying MSC in January 2027

In early January, I’m taking an MSC cruise from Miami to the Bahamas. MSC will be new to me.

I’ve read the good reviews and the bad ones. The ships are supposed to be beautiful, while the food and service can apparently be hit or miss. I’m going with an open mind and will form my own opinion.

Reading cruise reviews is its own voyage. Two people can get off the same ship convinced they visited entirely different planets.

Utopia, with a road trip attached

There’s also the three-day Royal Caribbean trip on Utopia of the Seas from Port Canaveral that I’ve written about before.

I plan to drive to that port. Put the bags in the car, get myself there, and board the ship. That’s a travel day I can appreciate.

My car hasn't charged me extra for a suitcase yet.

Yesterday’s booking: back to Celebrity Reflection

Yesterday, I booked Celebrity Reflection for July 30 through August 2, 2027—a three-night Key West and Bahamas cruise, with a balcony on Deck 10.

I’ve been on this ship twice, stopping in Key West both times. I’d also visited Key West twice before those sailings, so we’re reasonably well acquainted.

This trip includes Grand Bahama, and I have absolutely no intention of getting off the ship.

I like the ship. I liked the staff on my last two voyages. I liked the experience. That’s enough reason to go back.

I'm not required to turn every port stop into a field trip. Sometimes the destination is the balcony I already paid for.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be conducting a thorough inspection of the ocean from a seated position.

Yes, there’s room for a future ex-wife

There is a spot for a future ex-wife. A sense of humor would be helpful, along with an appreciation for cruising and my occasional decision to visit a country without actually stepping onto it.

Passport not required for eligible U.S. citizens on qualifying round-trip U.S. cruises; a certified birth certificate and valid government-issued photo ID can do the job. We’ll check the specific sailing’s requirements before packing. Romance is one thing; being denied boarding is another. Celebrity’s travel-document requirements

Let’s start with a cruise and see whether we can agree on dinner before involving attorneys.

Why I’m doing all this

I was told that a lot of amputees and dialysis patients end up sitting around and disengaging from life. I know what withdrawing feels like because I did it myself.

Everyone’s circumstances are different. I can only speak for mine: I decided I wanted to take some risks and enjoy more of the little part of the universe I get to occupy.

Being an amputee and being on dialysis are parts of my life. Travel takes planning. Some things require more effort. But I still want experiences, people to meet, familiar faces to see, and stories to bring home.

Even if one of those stories involves a financially ambitious pancake.

I get to live this life. I want to be present for it—with a few boarding passes, some Filipino food, Halloween in Cozumel, and a balcony waiting somewhere ahead.

Automatic Gratuities? Not on My Next Cruise.

I have a Royal Caribbean cruise planned, paid for, and waiting for me.

On Thursday, October 29, 2026, I’ll board Radiance of the Seas in Tampa. Then it’s a day at sea, a stop in Cozumel, Mexico, another glorious day at sea, and back to Tampa on Monday, November 2.

I love cruising. I love being on the water. I love eating an irresponsible amount of bacon. And I absolutely love people watching.

Put me on a ship with the ocean, bacon, Coke Zero, and a few thousand strangers making questionable vacation decisions, and I'm entertained.

But lately, I've been watching a lot of cruise videos about one surprisingly polarizing subject:

Automatic gratuities.

And I think I've changed my mind about them.

What Exactly Is a Gratuity?

If you haven't cruised before, you pay a cruise fare that includes your cabin, most meals, some beverages, entertainment, and plenty of other things.

Of course, there are upcharges. Want a specialty restaurant? Pay extra. Want a fancy coffee? Pay extra. Want alcohol? Definitely pay extra.

Then there are gratuities.

On my first Royal Caribbean cruise, tipping worked very differently.

Toward the end of the cruise, we were given envelopes. The daily newsletter provided guidance on suggested tip amounts, and passengers put cash into the envelopes and personally handed them to the people who had provided service during the cruise.

Your room attendant.

Your waiter.

Assistant waiter.

Maitre d'.

It was direct. Someone provided you with great service, and you tipped them.

At some point, that system largely disappeared, and automatic gratuities became the norm.

Buy a drink at a bar or by the pool, and an 18% gratuity is already added to the price. You can add even more if you'd like.

Then there's the separate daily automatic gratuity charged to passengers.

The explanation makes some sense: the money isn't just for the employees you see. It's also distributed to people working behind the scenes who contribute to your vacation.

Laundry.

Maintenance.

Food preparation.

Other crew members you may never meet.

These people absolutely contribute to the cruise experience.

But there's one word I keep coming back to:

Gratuity.

I asked The Google for a definition, and it gave me this:

A gratuity is an extra amount of money given to a person who provides a service.

Extra

.

That word matters.

A Video Changed My Thinking

I recently watched a video from an avid cruiser who said he was going to stop adding automatic gratuities.

My initial reaction was basically, Ehhhhhh...

I've actually defended automatic gratuities before.

My normal practice has been to leave the automatic gratuities in place and then tip additional cash to crew members who provide me with great service.

That includes room attendants, servers, bartenders, and even crew members working in the buffet.

If someone takes care of me, I believe in taking care of them.

I'm not looking for an excuse to save a few bucks at the expense of the people working incredibly hard on a cruise ship.

But the cruiser in the video made a point that stuck with me:

Why is it the passenger's responsibility to supplement the compensation of back-of-house employees through something called a gratuity?

And that's where my thinking changed.

Pay Your Employees

If a cruise line needs a certain amount of money per passenger to properly compensate laundry workers, maintenance employees, kitchen staff and other behind-the-scenes crew members, then build that amount into the cruise fare.

Charge me what it actually costs.

Be transparent.

If the cruise needs to cost another $100, $150, or $200 for the company to compensate its employees properly, please include it in the advertised price.

I can then decide whether that cruise is worth that price.

What concerns me is treating what is traditionally understood as a service tip as part of the company's labor cost structure.

I have absolutely no problem with a company making a profit.

Royal Caribbean is a business, not a floating nonprofit with a waterslide.

Make money.

Make lots of money.

Build another gigantic ship with 47 restaurants, 19 pools, and a zip line directly through a Starbucks for all I care.

It's how the money is collected that I'm questioning.

If the automatic gratuity is necessary to compensate employees properly, is it really a gratuity anymore?

Or is it simply part of the cruise fare with a different name?

So I'm Trying Something Different

When I board Radiance of the Seas on October 29, I'm changing my normal routine.

At some point during the cruise, I'm going to go to Guest Services, stand in line—not in line, because I am a New Yorker—and ask to have the automatic gratuities removed.

But I'm not going to stop tipping.

Quite the opposite.

I'm going to bring a bunch of cash.

When someone provides great service, I'm going to tip them directly.

Room attendant? Cash.

Great waiter? Cash.

Bartender? Cash.

Someone at the buffet goes out of their way to help me? Cash.

If you're taking care of me while I'm wandering around a ship eating bacon and staring at the ocean, I want you to know that I appreciated what you did.

The people working behind the scenes deserve to be compensated fairly, too.

I believe their employer should be responsible for making sure that happens.

Maybe It's Time for More Passengers to Question It

I'm curious what other cruisers think about this because I've discovered this topic can get surprisingly heated.

Some passengers consider removing automatic gratuities practically a declaration of war against the crew.

Others argue that cruise lines have successfully shifted responsibility for employee compensation onto passengers while continuing to advertise lower base fares.

I'm moving toward the second camp.

I'll gladly tip.

I'll gladly reward great service.

I'll probably tip more than I would have otherwise.

But I'd rather put the money directly into the hands of the people who made my vacation better and tell them:

Thank you.

And if the cruise line needs additional funds to compensate everyone else properly?

Put it in my fare.

Tell me what the cruise actually costs.

Then let a gratuity actually be a gratuity.

Now I need October 29 to get here.

There is an ocean, a cruise ship, and an unreasonable quantity of bacon waiting for me.