Niel Flamm Niel Flamm

Back on Tinder... Pray for Me

Against my better judgment, I downloaded Tinder.


It's free.


My expectations? Somewhere between "maybe I'll meet someone nice" and "I'll probably be talking to a guy named Igor pretending to be Jennifer."


I matched with someone who gave me the standard:


"I'm looking for honesty, loyalty, emotional maturity..."


Sounds promising.


Then came the question:


"What is your profession?"


I decided to run a little quality assurance test.


My answer?


"I sell heroin. Not on a corner... I'm a cartel leader."


It was obviously a joke.


I figured one of three things would happen:


  1. She'd unmatch me immediately.

  2. She'd laugh.

  3. She'd call the DEA.


Instead...


Nothing.


No "Seriously?"


No "That's not funny."


No "You're weird."


Just... nothing.


I'm beginning to think the bots don't have a sense of humor.


At this rate, I'll probably delete Tinder before it figures out whether I'm Pablo Escobar or just a bald guy with a prosthetic leg who likes Coke Zero and movie theaters.


So, serious question...


How do people over 50 actually meet now?


Asking for a friend.


The friend is me.

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