Our Lottery Pool Has Outperformed... Absolutely Nothing 😂💸

For the last few drawings, I've been leading my Tau Epsilon Phi fraternity chapter's lottery pool.

Based on my highly scientific calculations, we've probably donated somewhere around $600 to the South Carolina Lottery between Powerball and Mega Millions.

You're welcome, South Carolina.

This weekend, we're running it back.

I've asked everyone who wants in to Zelle me $20. Why Zelle? Because Venmo, PayPal, and some of the other apps want a cut when you withdraw money.

Sorry... around here we believe in wasting our money on lottery tickets, not transaction fees.

For each person, I buy:

🎟️ 5 Powerball tickets
🎟️ 2 Mega Millions tickets

A diversified portfolio, if you will.

Now, about the last Powerball drawing...

Guess who didn't win?

Us.

Well... that's not entirely true.

We actually won $12!

Since there were about a dozen of us, I graciously offered to Zelle everyone $1.

That's right.

Invest $20.

Receive $1.

A 95% loss.

Wall Street should be calling any minute now to ask me to manage a hedge fund.

I've already started thinking of names:

• Niel Capital Mismanagement

• Diamond Hands, Empty Wallets

• The Negative Returns Investment Group

• Bros Before ROI

• The Institute for Advanced Financial Regret

The beautiful thing about a lottery pool is that no matter how badly you lose, you get to laugh about it with friends.

And every drawing starts the same conversation:

"This is the one."

Statistically?

Probably not.

But hope has a funny way of costing exactly twenty bucks.

Good luck to everyone playing this weekend. If one of us actually wins, I promise not to become one of those people who says, "Money doesn't change you."

I'll be too busy deciding whether my beach house should have a lazy river.