One Billion Dollars, Bologna Pools, and the Evolution of the Fraternity Lottery Pool
Well...
We've done it.
Not won the Powerball.
We've evolved into a full-fledged financial institution.
The Powerball jackpot has officially reached $1 BILLION, with a one-time cash option of approximately $433.1 million before taxes.
Naturally, I already built another spreadsheet.
At this point, I should probably put "Lottery Pool CFO" on my LinkedIn profile.
It Started Innocently...
If memory serves, this whole adventure started about a month ago.
I suggested we throw a few bucks together.
Fast forward several drawings later, and we've played Powerball, Mega Millions, more Powerball, and then some more because apparently none of us learned anything.
I'd estimate our fraternity has now spent around $1,200–$1,500 chasing the dream.
That's enough money to buy a decent used car.
Instead, we own a growing collection of paper with numbers on them.
We've Become Spreadsheet People
This isn't just "buy some tickets."
No.
We've gone full corporate.
I've created spreadsheets showing:
Jackpot odds.
Prize probabilities.
Estimated after-tax winnings.
Per-person payouts.
Cash option calculations.
Different scenarios based on how many brothers are playing.
I don't think anyone has ever over-engineered losing the lottery quite like we have.
The Investment Committee Speaks
One thing I actually love is how the group operates.
We've had a few smaller wins.
Instead of everyone demanding their $4.37 immediately, the majority decided to let some of the winnings ride and buy more tickets.
Ladies and gentlemen...
We've accidentally invented a hedge fund.
A terrible hedge fund.
But a hedge fund nonetheless.
The $1 Billion Spreadsheet
Yes...
There's already a spreadsheet.
Of course there is.
It breaks down exactly what every fraternity brother would receive if we hit the jackpot based on the current pool.
The numbers are ridiculous.
The conversations are even better.
Responsible Financial Planning
People always ask what they'd do if they suddenly became rich.
Our discussions have not exactly been...
...traditional.
Ideas include:
Building an in-ground swimming pool...
...and filling it entirely with bologna.
Hiring someone whose only job is to tell us when Powerball reaches another billion.
Buying matching golf carts just to drive to the mailbox.
Renting a movie theater every Friday because deciding what to stream is exhausting.
Purchasing a private island where absolutely no one is allowed to ask, "Can I borrow a little money?"
Starting a charitable foundation dedicated to replacing every broken fraternity couch in America.
Buying Harris Teeter stock just to thank the cashier who's watched me buy hundreds of dollars in lottery tickets without asking too many questions.
Will We Win?
Statistically?
Probably not.
But for the price of a few tickets, we've bought weeks of laughs, spreadsheets nobody asked for, Discord debates, ridiculous financial planning sessions, and enough jokes to last until the next drawing.
That's not a bad return on investment.
Although...
A billion dollars would still be nice.
The Lotto Dudes Hit the Jackpot... Of Absolutely Nothing 😂🎰
Well...
Nobody won the $663 million Powerball jackpot.
Which means the jackpot has now climbed to $707 million for the next drawing.
That's the good news.
The bad news?
Neither did the Lotto Dudes.
Our fraternity pool bought 50 Powerball tickets with a $100 buy-in.
The result?
🥁🥁🥁
$0.00
Not a dollar.
Not a free ticket.
Not enough to buy a stale stick of gum.
Nothing.
Our return on investment was surprisingly easy to calculate.
-$100.
Or...
-100% ROI.
I believe that's what financial experts call "less than ideal."
The amazing part?
I'm already organizing the next pool.
I've sent the message to the guys:
$10 buy-in.
Same process.
Same optimism.
Same statistically questionable decision-making.
Why?
Because someone has to win.
We just proved it with the Mega Millions jackpot. Somebody walked away with hundreds of millions of dollars.
No rule says it can't be a bunch of fraternity guys arguing over who forgot to Zelle their ten bucks.
I've also decided to hedge my bets.
In addition to the fraternity pool, I'm buying my own ticket.
That's right.
I'm diversifying my lottery portfolio.
Some people hedge with stocks.
Some hedge with bonds.
I hedge with... more lottery tickets.
Financial advisors everywhere are reading this and quietly removing my phone number from their contacts.
Will this strategy work?
Probably not.
Will it make checking the numbers more exciting?
Absolutely.
If nothing else, I'll have plenty of material for the next blog post explaining how I expertly turned another hundred dollars into a life lesson.
Until then...
Good luck to everyone playing.
Maybe the $707 million Powerball jackpot will finally belong to one of the Lotto Dudes.
A guy can dream.
Join the adventure on NielFlamm.com/blog.
The Lotto Dudes Are Back... Because Apparently We Like Losing Money 😂🎰
Well...
Someone in Florida won the $800 million Mega Millions jackpot last night.
It wasn't me.
I know.
Shocking.
I didn't suddenly develop the ability to teleport across state lines, nor did I secretly buy a ticket in Florida. So congratulations to whoever now has to hire accountants, lawyers, and a therapist to explain why their third cousin they've never met suddenly wants to "catch up."
As for the Lotto Dudes...
We won...
🥁🥁🥁
$34.
Good money after bad.
It's okay. We consider it a dividend.
So what did we do?
The obvious thing.
We're doing it again.
This time we've got 10 fraternity brothers throwing in $10 each.
Using advanced mathematics, that equals...
$100.
With that, we're buying 50 Powerball tickets for a shot at the $663 million jackpot.
The estimated cash value is $290.4 million.
Split ten ways...
That's just over $29 million each.
Not billionaire money...
...but definitely enough money for ten fraternity brothers who still act like the cast of Old School.
I can already picture it.
Frank "The Tank" would somehow convince us that jumping off the roof into a kiddie pool is a sound financial decision.
Someone would suggest bringing back streaking because, "We're rich now. What are they going to do, fine us?"
Blue would somehow become our financial advisor because, despite being asleep half the movie, he was probably making the most sense.
And there would absolutely be one brother trying to start a fraternity chapter in a retirement community because "the dues are tax deductible."
Meanwhile, I'd be the responsible one...
...right up until I bought a Corvette, a beach house, a lifetime supply of Costco snacks, and a golf cart just to drive from the mailbox back to the front door.
The odds are terrible.
The investment strategy is questionable.
The entertainment value?
Absolutely priceless.
Good luck to all the Lotto Dudes.
Maybe this time we'll be writing about how we turned $100 into $290.4 million...
...instead of another blog post explaining why our ROI belongs in a museum.
The Lotto Dudes Return: A Masterclass in Financial Mismanagement 😂💸
The Lotto Dudes are back.
Mostly because apparently none of us learned our lesson.
Let's review our recent investment history.
Round 1
The pool had a $200 buy-in covering both Mega Millions and Powerball.
We won...
🥁🥁🥁
$40.
That works out to about $4 per guy.
That's an 80% loss on our investment.
Most people would have taken the $4, bought a cup of coffee, and reflected on their life choices.
Not us.
We're visionaries.
Round 2
We rolled the entire $40 into Powerball.
The results?
We won...
$12.
Which means we somehow managed to lose another $28, a 70% loss on the rollover.
If you look at the whole adventure...
We turned $200 into $12.
That's a grand total return of...
-94%.
If this were a mutual fund, the SEC would politely ask us to stop.
If it were a hedge fund, CNBC would interview us just to ask, "How?"
If it were cryptocurrency, someone would still call it "a buying opportunity."
The best part?
Nobody has won the jackpots yet.
So naturally...
WE'RE DOING IT AGAIN.
Current jackpots:
💰 Mega Millions (Tuesday): $800 million
💰 Powerball (Monday): $663 million
Because clearly the definition of insanity is buying lottery tickets and expecting... well... actually, somebody has to win eventually.
The buy-in is $20.
Now here's where it gets funny.
Every lottery pool has them.
The guys who suddenly become lottery experts.
"You should buy more Quick Picks."
"No, all birthdays."
"Only odd numbers."
"Only even numbers."
"Buy them at this store."
"Don't buy them at that store."
"Get the ticket at 9:17 p.m. because Mercury is in retrograde."
Meanwhile...
When it's time to collect the money...
🦗🦗🦗
When it's time to drive to the store...
🦗🦗🦗
When it's time to organize the tickets...
🦗🦗🦗
Everyone wants to be CEO.
Nobody wants to be Operations.
Well...
I've put my only foot down.
If I'm running the pool, I'm running the pool.
You can absolutely offer suggestions...
...right after you volunteer to collect everyone's money, chase down the guys who forgot to pay, buy the tickets, scan the winners, keep the records, and explain to twelve grown men why their share of the winnings is approximately enough to buy a value-menu cheeseburger.
Until then...
Sit back.
Relax.
Trust the process.
It's only failed spectacularly every single drawing.
Good luck to all the Lotto Dudes!
One of these days we're going to hit it big...
...or we'll be writing another blog post about turning $200 into enough money to split a family-size bag of chips.
The Lotto Dudes Strike Again... Kind of 😂💰
The Lotto Dudes have completed another thrilling round of highly sophisticated investing.
The results?
We turned a $100 buy-in into...
🥁🥁🥁
$40.
That's a 60% return... in the wrong direction.
Or, if you prefer investment jargon, we posted a -60% ROI.
Warren Buffett has yet to return my calls.
The good news?
The jackpots continue to climb.
🎟️ Mega Millions (Tuesday): $800 million
🎟️ Powerball (Saturday): $600 million
That's $1.4 BILLION waiting for someone to claim it.
Now, a question for my Las Vegas friends...
Is the Lotto Store in Primm still open?
Back when I lived there, I found it much easier to skip the crowds and drive US-95 south to the first lottery stop in Arizona. It was about 20 miles farther than Primm, but during the huge jackpots, it was worth it. The line at Primm could easily stretch to an hour to buy a ticket.
Sometimes driving a little farther meant spending a lot less time standing around wondering what you'd do with a billion dollars.
As for me?
I'm still planning the beach house, the sports car, and whatever ridiculous idea pops into my head next.
One of these drawings has to go our way...
Right?
Leave a comment and let me know:
If you had to drive out of state to buy a lottery ticket, would you wait in line or take the longer drive to avoid the crowd?
Join the discussion on NielFlamm.com/blog.
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