The Lotto Dudes Return: A Masterclass in Financial Mismanagement 😂💸
The Lotto Dudes are back.
Mostly because apparently none of us learned our lesson.
Let's review our recent investment history.
Round 1
The pool had a $200 buy-in covering both Mega Millions and Powerball.
We won...
🥁🥁🥁
$40.
That works out to about $4 per guy.
That's an 80% loss on our investment.
Most people would have taken the $4, bought a cup of coffee, and reflected on their life choices.
Not us.
We're visionaries.
Round 2
We rolled the entire $40 into Powerball.
The results?
We won...
$12.
Which means we somehow managed to lose another $28, a 70% loss on the rollover.
If you look at the whole adventure...
We turned $200 into $12.
That's a grand total return of...
-94%.
If this were a mutual fund, the SEC would politely ask us to stop.
If it were a hedge fund, CNBC would interview us just to ask, "How?"
If it were cryptocurrency, someone would still call it "a buying opportunity."
The best part?
Nobody has won the jackpots yet.
So naturally...
WE'RE DOING IT AGAIN.
Current jackpots:
💰 Mega Millions (Tuesday): $800 million
💰 Powerball (Monday): $663 million
Because clearly the definition of insanity is buying lottery tickets and expecting... well... actually, somebody has to win eventually.
The buy-in is $20.
Now here's where it gets funny.
Every lottery pool has them.
The guys who suddenly become lottery experts.
"You should buy more Quick Picks."
"No, all birthdays."
"Only odd numbers."
"Only even numbers."
"Buy them at this store."
"Don't buy them at that store."
"Get the ticket at 9:17 p.m. because Mercury is in retrograde."
Meanwhile...
When it's time to collect the money...
🦗🦗🦗
When it's time to drive to the store...
🦗🦗🦗
When it's time to organize the tickets...
🦗🦗🦗
Everyone wants to be CEO.
Nobody wants to be Operations.
Well...
I've put my only foot down.
If I'm running the pool, I'm running the pool.
You can absolutely offer suggestions...
...right after you volunteer to collect everyone's money, chase down the guys who forgot to pay, buy the tickets, scan the winners, keep the records, and explain to twelve grown men why their share of the winnings is approximately enough to buy a value-menu cheeseburger.
Until then...
Sit back.
Relax.
Trust the process.
It's only failed spectacularly every single drawing.
Good luck to all the Lotto Dudes!
One of these days we're going to hit it big...
...or we'll be writing another blog post about turning $200 into enough money to split a family-size bag of chips.