Two Stories About Recovery That Hit Differently This Week

On Monday, I heard about two very different stories involving two very famous people. Both made me think about recovery, sobriety, addiction, and something those of us around recovery learn pretty quickly:

There is no finish line.

The first story was about Brad Pitt.

I haven't talked to Brad Pitt. He hasn't called me lately. We haven't grabbed coffee. And until he invites me over to hang out, I can only go by what he actually said publicly.

In a recent Esquire interview, Pitt talked about having been sober for seven years and then deciding to drink again. He described his drinking now as being more restrained and acknowledged that there have already been a couple of occasions when he realized larger quantities weren't good for him.

This is also the same Brad Pitt who publicly thanked Bradley Cooper in 2020 for helping him get sober.

I'm not here to judge Brad Pitt's decision.

Recovery is personal. What works—or doesn't work—for Brad Pitt is Brad Pitt's business.

But his story caught my attention because I've heard versions of it before.

I've sat in meetings and heard people talk about having years of sobriety before eventually deciding they didn't need recovery anymore.

Maybe things were different now.

Maybe enough time had passed.

Maybe they had learned their lesson.

Maybe this time they could drink like a "normal" person.

And sometimes it started exactly that way.

Moderately.

One drink.

A glass of wine with dinner.

Only on vacation.

Only on weekends.

Until it wasn't moderate anymore.

Those are the stories I've heard. That doesn't mean Brad Pitt's story will end the same way. I don't know him, and neither I nor anyone else should pretend we know what his future holds.

But it reminds me why recovery asks us to focus on today.

Not seven years from now.

Not seven years ago.

Today.

Then There Was Hayden Panettiere

The second story was much harder to hear.

Actress Hayden Panettiere died at 36 in Greenville, South Carolina.

I knew her work. I watched Remember the Titans. I watched I Love You, Beth Cooper. I watched Scream 4.

She was somebody I'd seen on a screen for years.

She had also spoken publicly about struggles with addiction and depression.

According to authorities, Panettiere was found unresponsive and in cardiac arrest. Emergency responders attempted to resuscitate her, but she was pronounced dead. An autopsy reportedly found no trauma that contributed to her death.

At the time I'm writing this, her official cause and manner of death have not been determined. Toxicology results are still pending.

That's important.

I'm not going to declare that addiction caused her death when investigators haven't determined that.

I'm not going to turn someone's death into speculation.

But hearing about her death still made me think about recovery.

Because I've seen what addiction can do.

I've known people who got frighteningly close to dying.

I've known people who came back.

And I've known people who didn't.

There Is a Solution

That's really why I'm writing this.

Not because Brad Pitt decided to drink again.

Not because we know what caused Hayden Panettiere's death.

I'm writing it because somebody reading this might be struggling right now.

Someone might be wondering whether they really have a problem.

Someone might have been sober for years and be thinking, Maybe I've got this figured out now.

Someone might have relapsed yesterday and believe they've thrown everything away.

Someone else might be sitting alone thinking there isn't another way.

There is.

Recovery isn't reserved for celebrities.

It isn't reserved for people with money.

It isn't reserved for people who haven't relapsed.

It isn't reserved for someone who has reached some imaginary "bottom."

You don't have to wait until everything is gone.

You don't have to wait until your family gives up.

You don't have to wait until you're sitting in a hospital.

You don't have to wait until you're dying.

There is a solution.

There are meetings. There are treatment programs. There are professionals. There are recovery communities filled with people who understand exactly what it feels like to wonder how the hell life got to this point.

And there are people willing to help.

Sometimes the hardest part is simply admitting:

I can't do this by myself anymore.

You don't have to.

Whether someone has seven hours, seven days, seven months, or seven years, recovery still happens the same way.

Today.

Then tomorrow, we try to do it again.

There is a solution, and it's available to all.

✈️ New York Trip Update: Mother Nature Is Making Her Case

A couple of days ago, I wrote that I’m supposed to fly to New York this Saturday, landing at LaGuardia (LGA) and heading to Astoria, Queens for a yearly gathering.

At the time, the forecast called for about a 55% chance of rain.

I wasn't thrilled, but 55% still leaves room for negotiation.

Well...

Mother Nature has apparently retained counsel.

I checked the forecast again today.

🌧️ Saturday: 77% chance of rain.
⛈️ And now there are thunderstorms involved.

This negotiation is moving in the wrong direction.

Normally, I'd be excited about this trip. It's a nonstop flight. I get to see people I haven't seen in a while. And most importantly, I'd be returning to Queens—the magical land of real bagels, real pizza, and enough incredible food to destroy any reasonable eating plan within approximately four hours of landing.

But here's my problem:

I'm not flying to New York just so I can sit in a hotel room and say:

"Yep. That's definitely rain."

I can watch rain from home.

For free.

And I don't have to deal with airports, flight delays, Uber surge pricing, wet sidewalks, or trying to maneuver around New York City while Mother Nature dumps buckets of water on everyone.

There's also the airport factor.

Rain and thunderstorms in the New York area don't exactly have a reputation for making air travel more efficient. Suddenly my beautiful nonstop flight could become an exciting afternoon of staring at an airport departure board while the word DELAYED slowly destroys my will to live.

The good news?

The forecast could still change.

The bad news?

It already changed—from 55% rain to 77%.

That's not the direction I was hoping for.

So, the great Will Niel Actually Go to New York? saga continues.

The flight is still scheduled.

Astoria is still waiting.

The bagels are presumably still delicious.

The pizza is calling my name.

But at 77% rain with thunderstorms, those bagels are going to have to make a very persuasive argument.

Stay tuned.

The Scammers Missed Me — Apparently My Geek Squad Membership Renewed Again

I was starting to get worried.

It had been an entire week since someone invited me to a Facebook event announcing that I had supposedly purchased something I didn't purchase.

Was I no longer desirable to scammers?

Had they moved on?

Did Karen, Taiba, Callie, and Princess Manahil have a group chat where they decided I wasn't worth the effort?

Thankfully, my fears were put to rest today.

They're back.

This afternoon, I received another Facebook event invitation. This one came from the wonderfully named “Hxer Ahver.”

Hxer has invited me to:

“Payment Confirmation: $439.99 Auto-Renewal for Geek Squad Tech Support…”

Oh good.

Geek Squad again.

My Computer Is Apparently VERY Protected

Last week, Princess Manahil informed me that I had supposedly renewed my Geek Squad protection.

Now Hxer Ahver says I've done it again.

At this point, my computer should be the most protected in North America.

I'm expecting Geek Squad employees to start physically guarding it.

One by the monitor.

One near the keyboard.

Another stationed outside my house.

For $439.99, somebody better be watching the perimeter.

There is, of course, one tiny problem:

I didn't buy this.

Just like I didn't buy the Bitcoin.

Just like I didn't authorize the mystery subscription.

Just like I didn't purchase the previous Geek Squad protection.

My imaginary credit card has apparently been having an incredible summer.

And Once Again, I'm Invited to Attend

The brilliance of this particular scam remains my favorite part.

It's being delivered as a Facebook event invitation.

That means underneath a message claiming I've been charged $439.99, Facebook politely asks:

“Tell them if you can make it.”

And then gives me three options:

Going

Maybe

Can't Go

I appreciate the flexibility.

After reviewing my calendar, however, I'm going to have to select:

Can't Go.

I'd love to attend my $439.99 fraudulent Geek Squad auto-renewal, but unfortunately I have plans that afternoon.

Maybe next year.

Meta Is Still Warning Me

Just like the previous scam invitations, there's a warning sitting right at the top:

“Meta did not send this event invitation. Please be cautious when clicking on links or providing personal information.”

That's probably worth reading.

The clever part of this scam is that the notification itself can arrive through Facebook's event system. That gives the garbage in the invitation a little borrowed legitimacy.

You see a familiar notification.

You see Facebook.

You see a large dollar amount.

You see “Payment Confirmation.”

And the scammer hopes you panic before stopping to ask the most obvious question:

Why in the hell is Geek Squad notifying me about a $439.99 auto-renewal through a Facebook event invitation?

Geek Squad isn't throwing me a party.

The Scam Social Calendar Continues

So let's update the guest list.

Previously, I had:

Karen: Bitcoin purchase.

Taiba: Another Bitcoin purchase.

Callie: Mystery $398.99 subscription.

Princess Manahil: Geek Squad protection.

And now:

Hxer Ahver: Another $439.99 Geek Squad renewal.

I'm beginning to see a pattern.

The names change.

The dollar amounts change.

The supposed purchases change.

But the objective remains remarkably similar: make the recipient believe money has been charged, create urgency, and get them to react before they think.

That's why I don't use the contact information contained in suspicious messages.

If a message says there's a charge on one of my accounts, I'll independently open the company's official app or website and check the account myself.

No panic.

No mystery phone numbers.

No handing over account information.

Please don't attend Facebook events celebrating purchases I didn't make.

See You at the Next One

At this point, I don't think this is over.

We've done Bitcoin.

We've done subscriptions.

We've done Geek Squad twice.

I'm curious what I'll apparently purchase next.

A $799 Norton subscription?

A $1,200 iPhone?

Extended warranty coverage for a car I don't own?

Whatever it is, I have only one request for the scammers:

Please check my calendar first.

I'm getting really busy declining all these invitations.

Day 66: The Kinder, Gentler Reset Continues

It's Day 66.

Yesterday, I tried something different.

A kinder, gentler reset.

No lengthy email. No dissertation about corporate culture. No recap of the previous 65 days.

I emailed Jacob Chavis and asked for two Nextdoor Insights reports:

The Home Insurance Insights study I've been requesting, and the newly published Financial Advising and Investing study.

Short. Polite. Direct.

Now I'm wondering something beyond my own experience:

Is anyone actually able to obtain the detailed studies referenced on the Nextdoor Blog or LinkedIn?

Nextdoor's latest Insights post directs readers who want the complete report and detailed data to contact Jacob.

So I'd like to hear from someone who has done it.

Did you request one? Did you receive it? How long did it take?

That comparison matters as I examine whether I'm experiencing terrible communication or being treated differently.

Meanwhile, Back at NXDR...

The broader market slid yesterday, and NXDR followed suit.

The stock had been making gains following Nextdoor's Q2 results and was approaching its two-year highs. That enthusiasm appears, at least for now, to have been short-lived.

As a shareholder, I want NXDR to succeed. That's what makes my feedback counterintuitive: financially, I'm rooting for the company I'm criticizing.

I've also noticed E*TRADE now provides additional visibility into options activity, giving investors another interesting data point to watch.

And Then There's the Legal Question

Finding an attorney interested in evaluating a potential discrimination claim isn't as simple as announcing, "Lawyer wanted!"

There's a process.

An attorney would need to determine whether the facts support a viable claim, which law applies, what damages are available, and whether others have experienced comparable treatment.

The same applies to a potential class action. There needs to be an identifiable class with common legal and factual issues.

I'm exploring those questions.

Nextdoor also has substantial cash on hand. Using the figures I've been reviewing—approximately $377.97 million in cash against $27.70 million in debt—that's roughly $350 million net of debt.

But that's not a pot of money automatically available to plaintiffs or attorneys. Any recovery would require an actual viable claim followed by a settlement or judgment.

So I'm not counting imaginary settlement checks or contingency fees.

First comes the simpler experiment.

I sent the polite email.

I asked for the studies Nextdoor tells people they can request.

Now let's see what happens.

And I'd particularly like to hear from anyone who has successfully requested and received a Nextdoor Insights report.

Day 66. Kinder. Gentler. Still documenting.

The complete timeline is at NielFlamm.com/blog.

Automatic Gratuities? Not on My Next Cruise.

I have a Royal Caribbean cruise planned, paid for, and waiting for me.

On Thursday, October 29, 2026, I’ll board Radiance of the Seas in Tampa. Then it’s a day at sea, a stop in Cozumel, Mexico, another glorious day at sea, and back to Tampa on Monday, November 2.

I love cruising. I love being on the water. I love eating an irresponsible amount of bacon. And I absolutely love people watching.

Put me on a ship with the ocean, bacon, Coke Zero, and a few thousand strangers making questionable vacation decisions, and I'm entertained.

But lately, I've been watching a lot of cruise videos about one surprisingly polarizing subject:

Automatic gratuities.

And I think I've changed my mind about them.

What Exactly Is a Gratuity?

If you haven't cruised before, you pay a cruise fare that includes your cabin, most meals, some beverages, entertainment, and plenty of other things.

Of course, there are upcharges. Want a specialty restaurant? Pay extra. Want a fancy coffee? Pay extra. Want alcohol? Definitely pay extra.

Then there are gratuities.

On my first Royal Caribbean cruise, tipping worked very differently.

Toward the end of the cruise, we were given envelopes. The daily newsletter provided guidance on suggested tip amounts, and passengers put cash into the envelopes and personally handed them to the people who had provided service during the cruise.

Your room attendant.

Your waiter.

Assistant waiter.

Maitre d'.

It was direct. Someone provided you with great service, and you tipped them.

At some point, that system largely disappeared, and automatic gratuities became the norm.

Buy a drink at a bar or by the pool, and an 18% gratuity is already added to the price. You can add even more if you'd like.

Then there's the separate daily automatic gratuity charged to passengers.

The explanation makes some sense: the money isn't just for the employees you see. It's also distributed to people working behind the scenes who contribute to your vacation.

Laundry.

Maintenance.

Food preparation.

Other crew members you may never meet.

These people absolutely contribute to the cruise experience.

But there's one word I keep coming back to:

Gratuity.

I asked The Google for a definition, and it gave me this:

A gratuity is an extra amount of money given to a person who provides a service.

Extra

.

That word matters.

A Video Changed My Thinking

I recently watched a video from an avid cruiser who said he was going to stop adding automatic gratuities.

My initial reaction was basically, Ehhhhhh...

I've actually defended automatic gratuities before.

My normal practice has been to leave the automatic gratuities in place and then tip additional cash to crew members who provide me with great service.

That includes room attendants, servers, bartenders, and even crew members working in the buffet.

If someone takes care of me, I believe in taking care of them.

I'm not looking for an excuse to save a few bucks at the expense of the people working incredibly hard on a cruise ship.

But the cruiser in the video made a point that stuck with me:

Why is it the passenger's responsibility to supplement the compensation of back-of-house employees through something called a gratuity?

And that's where my thinking changed.

Pay Your Employees

If a cruise line needs a certain amount of money per passenger to properly compensate laundry workers, maintenance employees, kitchen staff and other behind-the-scenes crew members, then build that amount into the cruise fare.

Charge me what it actually costs.

Be transparent.

If the cruise needs to cost another $100, $150, or $200 for the company to compensate its employees properly, please include it in the advertised price.

I can then decide whether that cruise is worth that price.

What concerns me is treating what is traditionally understood as a service tip as part of the company's labor cost structure.

I have absolutely no problem with a company making a profit.

Royal Caribbean is a business, not a floating nonprofit with a waterslide.

Make money.

Make lots of money.

Build another gigantic ship with 47 restaurants, 19 pools, and a zip line directly through a Starbucks for all I care.

It's how the money is collected that I'm questioning.

If the automatic gratuity is necessary to compensate employees properly, is it really a gratuity anymore?

Or is it simply part of the cruise fare with a different name?

So I'm Trying Something Different

When I board Radiance of the Seas on October 29, I'm changing my normal routine.

At some point during the cruise, I'm going to go to Guest Services, stand in line—not in line, because I am a New Yorker—and ask to have the automatic gratuities removed.

But I'm not going to stop tipping.

Quite the opposite.

I'm going to bring a bunch of cash.

When someone provides great service, I'm going to tip them directly.

Room attendant? Cash.

Great waiter? Cash.

Bartender? Cash.

Someone at the buffet goes out of their way to help me? Cash.

If you're taking care of me while I'm wandering around a ship eating bacon and staring at the ocean, I want you to know that I appreciated what you did.

The people working behind the scenes deserve to be compensated fairly, too.

I believe their employer should be responsible for making sure that happens.

Maybe It's Time for More Passengers to Question It

I'm curious what other cruisers think about this because I've discovered this topic can get surprisingly heated.

Some passengers consider removing automatic gratuities practically a declaration of war against the crew.

Others argue that cruise lines have successfully shifted responsibility for employee compensation onto passengers while continuing to advertise lower base fares.

I'm moving toward the second camp.

I'll gladly tip.

I'll gladly reward great service.

I'll probably tip more than I would have otherwise.

But I'd rather put the money directly into the hands of the people who made my vacation better and tell them:

Thank you.

And if the cruise line needs additional funds to compensate everyone else properly?

Put it in my fare.

Tell me what the cruise actually costs.

Then let a gratuity actually be a gratuity.

Now I need October 29 to get here.

There is an ocean, a cruise ship, and an unreasonable quantity of bacon waiting for me.