🤣 #Nextdoor HQ — “Crisis Mode: Niel Has Posted Again” (Satire) 🤣

President (storming into the war room):
“Team! I thought we solved the problem! We turned off comments—Niel shouldn’t be able to say anything!”

Chief Strategy Officer (glancing at BlackBerry):
“Uh… sir… Niel shared the post instead. He wrote a full commentary about how our actions contradict our mission statement. It’s going viral.”

Intern (panicking as he plugs in a dusty computer):
“Sir! I’m booting up the #Commodore64 again! The modem’s warming up!”
*Commodore 64 emits a loud screech: SKRRRKKK–BEEEP–WEEEEEE~ *

President:
“Good! We need every tool we have! Even if it’s from 1983!”

CMO (scrolling on #BlackBerry):
“He’s already posted screenshots… memes… and a comic strip of us. Sir… there are hashtags.”

CISO (also on a #BlackBerry):
“Sir, the #BlackBerry server just got 14 alerts labeled: “NIEL STRIKES AGAIN 🔥’”

President (shouting):
“How?! We turned off comments! TURNED. OFF. COMMENTS!”

Chief of Strategy:
“Sir… he didn’t comment. He just… shared the post publicly and explained everything we tried to hide.”

CFO (checking BlackBerry, horrified):
“Sir, our ‘Delete Niel Related Content’ overtime budget is now negative. We owe money. To ourselves.”

Intern (still fighting the Commodore):
“The #C64 says ‘SYNTAX ERROR’. I don’t know what that means, but it feels personal.”

President (frantic):
“We need a new plan. Something bold! Something extreme! Something ridiculous! Anything to stop Niel!”

CHRO:
“Sir… we could just reach out to him. He’s available on email, a phone call, LinkedIn, his website, #TikTok, #X, #Bluesky—”

President (cutting her off):
“NO! That’s outrageous! We don’t do that! We’ll use every outdated piece of hardware we can find before we speak to him!”

Intern:
“Sir… Niel says in his post he’s just waiting on us to live up to our own mission and reach out to a neighbor.”

President (slams fist on the table):
“We’re not reaching out to a neighbor!
Not now!
Not ever!
Unless—”

Team leans in…

President:
“…he stops posting.”

Entire C-Suite (checking BlackBerrys in unison):
“That’s… not going to happen, sir.”

#Nextdoor #Corporate #Comedy #Satire #MissionStatement #Meltdown #EngagementGate #CommentWars #Flammlandia #CSuite #Chaos
#Commodore64 #BlackBerryBrigade #DeleteSquad #LinkedIn #Humor #DigitalEthics #TransparencyMatters #Neighborhood #Nonsense #CrisisMode #ComedyStrip
#TechThrowback #SocialMediaDrama