The Hinge Experiment: Gina Has Been Unmatched, and I’m Perfectly Fine With That
Another one bites the dust.
It's time for another update from The Hinge Experiment™, and today's roster move is official:
I unmatched Gina.
No dramatic confrontation.
No angry final message.
No lengthy explanation.
No sad music playing while I stared thoughtfully out a rain-covered window.
I hit Unmatch.
Because at some point, you have to ask yourself:
Why am I keeping this chat open?
There Was Nowhere Left to Go
Gina and I matched before “Missing Me,” so she'd actually been hanging around The Hinge Experiment for a while.
There were messages.
There were pauses.
There were more messages.
There were significantly more pauses.
I tried asking questions.
I asked about her day.
I asked about her meeting.
I asked whether she was available.
Finally, I went with the incredibly complicated, deeply philosophical question:
“What's your number?”
And...
Nothing.
Could she still have responded eventually?
Sure.
Tomorrow?
Maybe.
Next week?
Possibly.
November?
Who knows?
Perhaps in 2032 I'll receive a carrier pigeon carrying her phone number.
But I'm not waiting.
An Open Chat Isn't a Relationship
This is something I'm starting to realize during this whole experiment.
There's no prize for accumulating matches.
I'm not collecting Pokémon.
A match sitting in my inbox isn't evidence that my dating life is thriving.
If we're not talking, we're not getting to know each other.
If we're not getting to know each other, we probably won’t meet.
And if we're never going to meet, what's the point of leaving the conversation sitting there?
Unmatch.
Next.
Not out of anger.
Not because I think she owes me anything.
She doesn't.
It's simply recognizing when something isn't going anywhere.
Here's the Bigger Thing: I'm Not Desperate
I think this distinction matters.
I'm not desperate to find someone.
Would I like to find someone?
Absolutely.
It would be nice.
I want someone to go to dinner with.
Someone to see a movie with.
Someone to take a completely unnecessary road trip with.
Someone to laugh with.
Someone who can carry half a conversation without me feeling like I'm conducting a deposition.
Someone who occasionally asks me a question.
Crazy standards, apparently.
But there's a big difference between:
“I'd like someone in my life.”
and
“I need someone in my life.”
I don't need to force something simply because I don't want to be alone.
I don't need to keep dead conversations alive just because they're technically matches.
And I certainly don't need to convince someone to be interested in me.
If someone wants to talk to me?
Great.
If someone wants to meet me?
Even better.
If someone isn't interested?
That's okay too.
I'm Looking for Mutual Effort
Maybe that's what The Hinge Experiment has actually taught me so far.
I'm not looking for perfection.
I'm not looking for someone who immediately reorganizes her entire life because we matched Tuesday afternoon.
I'm looking for reciprocity.
I'll ask questions.
Ask me some.
I'll make an effort.
Make one too.
I'll suggest meeting.
If you're interested, help me make that happen.
Scheduling coffee shouldn't require a project manager, three status meetings, and a Gantt chart.
And if I'm doing all the work to keep a basic conversation alive?
That's probably not the conversation I'm looking for.
The Hinge Roster Is Getting Awfully Small
Let's check the historical standings.
Kelli: Unmatched.
Missing Me: Unmatched.
Gina: Unmatched.
New matches: Well...
About that.
The Hinge offices aren't exactly overwhelmed processing my incoming requests.
But that's okay.
I'd rather have zero matches than stare at three conversations that aren't going anywhere and pretend something is happening.
I'm still on Hinge.
I'm still open to meeting someone.
I'm still hopeful that eventually I'll match with someone where the conversation doesn't feel like I'm trying to start a lawn mower that's been sitting in a garage since 1987.
Pull.
Nothing.
Pull again.
Nothing.
Prime it.
Pull.
GOOD MORNING!
And then silence.
Would It Be Nice?
Yes.
That's really where I am.
Would it be nice to find someone?
Absolutely.
Someone funny.
Someone smart.
Someone interesting.
Someone who wants companionship but already has a life of her own.
Someone who actually wants to meet instead of becoming my longtime digital pen pal.
But I'm not racing against a clock.
I'm not trying to fill a vacancy.
I'm not going to turn every match into something it isn't because I desperately need The Hinge Experiment to have a happy ending.
If it happens, it happens.
Until then, I have a life to live.
And apparently...
an increasingly unemployed imaginary iguana named Steve. 🦎
Although given the current match statistics, Steve probably shouldn't make any long-term plans.
The Hinge Experiment continues.
The roster is currently accepting applications.
