The Hinge Experiment: Gina Is Silent, the Matches Have Stopped, and Steve Is Getting Nervous
It's time for another update from The Hinge Experiment™.
Unfortunately, this update won't take very long because...
NOTHING HAS HAPPENED.
Remember Gina?
I made what I considered another bold move in the world of modern dating.
I asked her:
“What's your number?”
Four words.
Direct.
Simple.
No ambiguity.
No 900-word explanation.
No discussion of cryptocurrency.
No request to move to WhatsApp.
No smoke signals.
Just:
What's. Your. Number?
And the response?
Absolutely Nothing
No number.
No message.
No “I'd rather keep talking here.”
No “I'm not comfortable giving you my number yet.”
No “Thanks, but I'm not interested.”
Not even one of those increasingly familiar:
“Good morning.”
Nothing.
The Hinge communication department is apparently closed for renovations.
Now, to be fair, it hasn't been an eternity. People have lives. People work. People get busy. People don't necessarily check dating apps every 13 minutes.
I understand all of that.
But this is becoming a familiar pattern in The Hinge Experiment.
Match.
Say hello.
Attempt conversation.
Ask questions.
Try to move things toward an actual meeting.
And then...
WELCOME TO THE VOID.
And There Aren't Any New Contestants
Here's the other exciting development:
I haven't gotten any new matches either.
None.
Zero.
Nada.
The Hinge bullpen is empty.
Apparently, the greater Charleston-area female population collectively looked at my profile and decided:
“We're good.”
Fair enough.
I can't force the algorithm to love me.
But it's funny when you consider how this experiment started.
I joined Hinge after ending my Tinder experiment. Almost immediately, I got a match.
I thought:
OH! HINGE IS DIFFERENT!
Look at this!
People actually match here!
Maybe the whole “designed to be deleted” thing is real!
Well...
Technically, an app can be designed to be deleted for multiple reasons.
Let's Review the Starting Lineup
We've had quite the roster.
Kelli.
A promising beginning that evolved into a fascinating study of how many different ways two people can say “Good morning” without actually having a conversation.
Unmatched.
Then there was Missing Me.
She asked questions!
We communicated!
I asked her out!
She said Sunday could work!
For approximately 36 glorious hours, I thought The Hinge Experiment was about to produce its first actual date.
Then Sunday arrived.
Missing Me lived up to her name.
Missing.
Unmatched.
And then...
Gina.
Gina and I matched before Missing Me, so she's practically a veteran of the program.
We've exchanged messages.
I've asked about getting together.
I've tried moving the conversation forward.
Finally, I threw the pitch right down the middle:
“What's your number?”
And now I'm standing at home plate wondering whether the catcher, umpire, and entire opposing team quietly went home.
Am I Doing This Wrong?
I keep coming back to the same question:
How do people actually meet?
Because I'm beginning to suspect dating apps may not be the answer.
At least not for me.
I'm not expecting someone to fall madly in love after three messages.
I'm not asking anyone to update her Facebook relationship status before appetizers.
I don't have a U-Haul sitting in the driveway.
I'd simply like to get from:
MATCH
to
CONVERSATION
to
PHONE CALL
to
“Hey, want to grab something to eat?”
That progression doesn't seem completely unreasonable.
Instead, I'm discovering an entirely different dating funnel:
MATCH → GOOD MORNING → GOOD MORNING → QUESTION → SILENCE → UNMATCH
I should put that on a PowerPoint.
Meanwhile, Steve Is Watching
For newer readers, Steve is my imaginary iguana.
Steve was created as my contingency plan.
If dating apps don't work, I'm getting a reptile and becoming that guy walking around the beach with an iguana on his shoulder.
Everybody talks to that guy.
Nobody knows his name.
Nobody understands his life choices.
But everyone wants to meet the lizard.
At first, Steve was a joke.
Then he became a recurring character.
Now?
I'm starting to think I should research iguana ownership.
Because here's the uncomfortable truth:
Steve would probably generate more conversations in one afternoon on the beach than I've generated through weeks of Hinge.
And Steve doesn't even have a profile.
So Where Does The Hinge Experiment Go From Here?
For now, I'm still on it.
Gina is still there.
She can respond.
Maybe she will.
Maybe another match will suddenly appear.
Maybe someone will shock me by asking a question, answering one of mine, having an actual conversation, and agreeing to meet.
I'm open to being surprised.
But as of today's official standings:
New matches: 0
Response from Gina: 0
Upcoming dates: 0
Iguanas currently owned: 0
That final statistic is the most likely to change.
The Hinge Experiment continues.
For now.
Steve...
start stretching.
