Taking Care of Myself Was a Lesson I Learned the Hard Way
This morning, my mother was in the day room at the skilled nursing facility. She had finished her fruit and was drinking coffee while talking with a CNA student.
As I watched, she seemed to become agitated.
“We were looking for your nurse,” the student said.
I asked Mom what was wrong. She told me she had been waiting three or four hours to get cleaned up. She was losing her patience.
That was her account of the wait. I hadn’t been there the whole time. But I could see her frustration, and I could understand wanting help with something she could no longer easily do herself.
This post isn’t an assessment of the facility or its service. That moment brought up something personal for me: the responsibility I have to take care of myself when I have choices.
I am accountable for myself and the decisions I make.
For a long time, my mother didn’t see a physician. She wasn’t taking medication to manage chronic illness, and stress was a regular part of her life.
She was also my father's primary caregiver. From what I witnessed, he expected a great deal from her, including managing his medications and meals. Her own health needed attention while she was carrying those responsibilities.
Then she had her first stroke. Later, she had a second.
I can’t say exactly what caused either stroke. But I worry about the years her health went unattended and the opportunities there might have been to address it.
She was making progress after the first stroke. After the second, she lost some of that ground.
I don’t know whether she ever imagined living in a skilled nursing facility or planning a move into assisted living. Before her second stroke, I had spoken to her about the possibility of needing that level of care if her health continued to decline.
Watching her struggle now brings me no satisfaction in having raised that concern. I wish she had more independence. I wish everyday things were easier for her.
And I recognize something of myself in her situation.
I didn’t make my health a priority either.
I didn’t manage my diabetes. I didn’t see a physician. I behaved as though I were invincible, as though there would always be time to deal with my health later.
I learned, painfully, that there wasn’t an unlimited supply of “later.”
In my case, an open wound led to an infection, then sepsis, and eventually an above-the-knee amputation.
Those consequences became part of my everyday life. I couldn’t undo them by finally understanding how serious things had become.
Today, I take my medications seriously. I don’t miss my Ozempic shot. I take my medication for anxiety, my GERD medication, and the other medicines that are part of my care. I show up for dialysis.
I would like to keep the body parts I have left. And I hope a donor kidney will eventually become part of my future.
I still have a life to live, and taking care of myself helps make that possible.
Being accountable doesn’t mean I believe every illness is preventable or that someone who becomes ill has failed. I know people can do everything asked of them and still face devastating health problems.
My mother deserves timely, respectful care now, regardless of her past decisions. Her frustration matters.
I can hold that belief and still be honest about the choices I made in my own life. I put off appointments. I neglected my diabetes. I treated my health as something that could wait.
I paid a price I’m still living with.
I’m sharing this because I hope someone reading it will recognize their own habit of putting things off and take a step toward caring for themselves. Make the appointment you’ve been avoiding. Have the honest conversation about what you’re struggling to manage. Ask for help, especially if caring for someone else has left you with little energy for yourself.
I wish I had done those things sooner.
I can’t change that history. I can take responsibility for what I do today.
And I hope you get to learn that lesson more gently than I did.
Helping Launch A Godd3ss3s Cr3ation Has Strengthened My Recovery
One of the projects I’m most proud to be involved with right now is helping launch A Godd3ss3s Cr3ation at https://agodd3ss3scr3ation.com.
Most people know me through NielFlamm.com, where I write about everything from leadership and AI to movie reviews, recovery, and whatever else catches my attention. This project, however, has become something much more personal.
Working alongside Godd3ss Aisha and Godd3ss Alicia has given me the opportunity to help build something centered on healthy living, mindfulness, self-care, and becoming a better version of myself.
What surprised me is how much it has helped me.
I’ve been sober for many years now, and I’ve learned that recovery isn’t simply about not taking a drink. That’s where it starts—not where it ends.
Recovery is about taking care of my mind.
My body.
My soul.
It’s about the people I surround myself with, the conversations I have, and the thoughts I allow into my life.
As I help edit blog posts, brainstorm ideas, and publish articles for A Godd3ss3s Cr3ation, I’m constantly reading about gratitude, letting go, protecting your peace, managing stress, self-care, healthy habits, and slowing down long enough to check in with myself.
I can’t spend hours editing articles about becoming healthier without asking myself if I’m doing the same.
The blogs aren’t just helping readers.
They’re helping me.
I’ve always believed that if I'm around positive people long enough, some of that positivity rubs off on me. The discussions I have with Aisha and Alicia aren’t about gossip or negativity. They’re about growth, healing, perspective, and trying to become better than we were yesterday.
That reinforces the principles I’ve tried to live by throughout my recovery.
One thing I’ve learned is that sobriety requires maintenance. It isn’t something you accomplish once and never think about again. Just like physical fitness, healthy relationships, or a successful career, recovery requires attention.
Helping launch A Godd3ss3s Cr3ation has become part of that maintenance for me.
If one of our blogs encourages someone to pause before reacting…
If it inspires someone to take better care of themselves…
If it helps someone choose hope over despair…
Or simply reminds someone that they’re worth investing in…
Then we’ve accomplished something worthwhile.
If you haven’t visited the site yet, I’d love for you to take a look.
Visit https://agodd3ss3scr3ation.com, spend a few minutes reading through the Blog, and if you enjoy what you find, subscribe. It’s completely free, and you’ll receive new articles as they’re published.
And if a particular blog resonates with you, please share it with someone you care about. You never know whose day—or life—you might brighten with a simple act of kindness.
Thank you to Godd3ss Aisha and Godd3ss Alicia for trusting me to help bring this vision to life. It’s been a rewarding experience, and one that continues to strengthen my own journey every day.
🌿 Excited to Help Bring Natural Wellness to More People!
I'm excited to share a new project that’s close to my heart!
I’ve partnered with Aisha Wells and Alicia Tanksley to help bring affordable, natural apothecary products to more people through A Godd3ss3s Cr3ation.
This collaboration has given me the opportunity to put my growing web design and digital skills to work by helping build and enhance the website. It’s been an amazing experience combining creativity with technology while supporting a mission centered on holistic wellness and natural living.
The site is still a work in progress, with two products currently available and more to come. You can also reach out directly to founder Aisha Wells to learn more about her vision and passion for natural healing.
Check it out and follow along as we continue to grow!