🔥 A Totally Fictional, Satirical Scene Inside “Nextdoor HQ” 🔥
(None of this happened. It’s pure comedy.)
President Nirav Tolia:
“Healpmee! We’ve got another Niel Flamm comment on LinkedIn. Suit up — it’s overtime!”
Healpmee Preaz (Employee of the Century):
“Overtime again? Sir, the budget is… thin.”
President Nirav:
“Don’t worry, we’re issuing you top-tier equipment. Here—”
hands over a dusty box
“—a Commodore 64 with dial-up internet. It’s all we can afford without angering the shareholders… or the Board.”
Healpmee:
“…Sir, this computer is older than most of the neighborhoods on Nextdoor.”
President Nirav:
“Exactly. Proven reliability. Now every time Niel comments, you’ll get paged.”
Healpmee:
“Like… an actual pager?”
President Nirav:
“Yes. It’ll beep three times and vibrate violently. We programmed it specifically for Niel-related incidents.”
Healpmee:
“…Sir, may I ask something?”
President Nirav:
“Of course, Healpmee. Loyalty and questions are welcome here.”
Healpmee:
“Why don’t we just reach out to Niel and have a conversation?”
President Nirav:
stares in dramatic disbelief
“That’s a silly idea, Healpmee. A conversation? No, no…
We’ll just use every resource, all weekend, every weekend.
He’ll give up eventually.”
Healpmee:
“…Sir, respectfully, he’s already created a casino and odds system.”
President Nirav:
“Then we must stay strong. Fire up the dial-up! Delete those comments before he reposts them!”
The modem screeches loudly in the background.
Healpmee:
“Sir… I think the modem just asked for retirement.”
President Nirav:
“No one retires until Niel does.”
Update: Sunday, 11/23/25 at 2:00 PM ET — We Have a Winner (and a Deleter) 🎰🤣
Well… I checked again today at 2 PM Eastern, and surprise, surprise —
a Nextdoor employee quietly removed more of my LinkedIn comments.
At this point I’m convinced there’s someone at ND whose full-time job title is:
“Senior Comment Deletion Specialist, LinkedIn Division (Weekends Required)”
Honestly, I hope they’re at least getting overtime…
because I definitely am not. 😂
So it’s time for a new bet, a fresh line straight from Flammlandia Casino – Sports Book™:
🎯 3:1 odds my next comment disappears before I finish typing
🍕 7:1 odds the ND employee deletes my comment while eating leftover pizza
🥲 15:1 odds they finally reach out to me instead of reaching for the delete button
💀 100:1 odds they let all future comments live
Stay tuned… and place your bets wisely.
If it gets deleted — you already know —
👉 I’ll add it right back.
For official complaints, comment respawns, partnerships, or casino sponsorship opportunities:
NielFlamm.com
#fanduel #betmgm #draftkings
Taking Bets: What Are the Odds #Nextdoor Deletes My Comments Again? 🎰🤣
Over the weekend (Saturday, Nov. 15, 2025), #Nextdoor removed several of my comments… so naturally, I did what any determined neighbor would do:
👉 I added them right back.
Now that it’s late night and, I’m treating this like a daily minigame and taking bets on how long today’s comments will last:
🎲 2:1 odds they’re gone before lunch
🎮 4:1 odds a moderator “accidentally” hits delete
🃏 10:1 odds someone at #Nextdoor is reading this right now
💀 50:1 odds they let the comments live past sunset
And honestly… at this point, I feel bad for the actual Nextdoor employee managing their LinkedIn page.
You know they’re probably:
🍕 working overtime,
☕ surviving on cold coffee,
⌨️ frantically hitting “remove,”
💸 eating into the company’s resources…
…all just to delete my comments instead of, you know, helping actual neighbors.
Hang in there, mystery employee — this can’t be what you pictured when you applied for the job. 😂
Meanwhile, I’ve got time, persistence, and a sense of humor.
If/when today’s comments disappear, I’ll just add them right back.
I call it community engagement.
If any online gaming apps or platforms want to partner with the “Nextdoor Comment Survival Challenge™,” feel free to reach out. My contact info is at NielFlamm.com.
#Nextdoor #Fanduel #Draftkings #betmgm #odds #putitallonred #blackjack #probets #sportsbook
RAYE STOLE MY IDEA… So I Made “Where the Hell Is My Husband? – Version 2.2”
Okay, okay—maybe Raye didn’t literally steal my idea.
But I’m just saying… the universe works in mysterious ways.
One day, I’m minding my business, wondering (as one does), Where the hell is My Future-Ex Wife? I did a music video (ver 1.0)…
And then suddenly—BAM—Raye releases a whole song with the exact same chaotic, “this dating pool needs chlorine” energy.
Coincidence?
Probably.
But am I still telling the internet she stole my concept?
Absolutely. It’s called marketing.
So, instead of being salty, I did what any highly creative, overly caffeinated, one-legged, big-band-loving visionary would do:
👉 I made my own Version 2.2.
Bigger.
Bolder.
More dramatic.
More confused about where future ex-spouses are hiding.
And where can you enjoy this masterpiece?
Right on my site:
📌 Videos Page → Music Video Category
Let me tell you—Version 2.2 has everything:
Comedic frustration
Musical flair
A touch of “I’m tired of dating apps”
And more personality than the entire Bachelor franchise
It’s fun, it’s silly, and it may or may not summon your future spouse if played loudly enough.
And Raye… if you’re reading this 👀
Listen, queen, no hard feelings.
You made a hit.
I made Version 2.2.
We can coexist in this world of romantic confusion.
But if you don’t want to send me a royalty check for “inspiration fees,” then a dinner date will do.
I’m not picky.
I like good food, good jokes, and I’ll even pretend to be starstruck—just a little.
Just don’t make me release Version 3.0:
“Where the Hell Is My Royalty Check?”
Please go check out the video, share it, laugh at it, or send it to someone who owes you a proposal.
Enjoy!
New Video Drop: My MUSC Lab Rat Adventure + Class Shoutouts
I finally uploaded a new video to the “Life as an Amputee” section—and yes, it includes the shoutouts I promised to the MUSC Physical Therapy students who worked on me during this year’s lab.
For the last 3 years, I have volunteered as an official amputee lab rat at the Medical University of South Carolina. The students get real-world practice, I get free balance checks, bonus stretches, and a chance to crack jokes while they try not to panic about touching a prosthetic. Win–win.
During this year’s session, I told the class I’d make a video just for them… and shockingly, I followed through.
Shoutouts delivered.
I Hardly Devote Time to Being an Amputee… Somehow
Here’s the funny part: for someone who is an amputee, I barely devote any time to focusing on being one.
Why?
Because I’m too busy juggling:
Filming vlogs about movie reviews
My life as an End Stage Renal Disease patient
And maintaining my very healthy, very loud hatred of the Nextdoor platform
Being an amputee sometimes feels like the least dramatic thing happening in my life.
If you were in that MUSC classroom—this one’s for you.
Check it out under Videos → Life as an Amputee. I enjoyed the humor, dialogue, and where it looked like I was remembering everyone’s name.
More videos coming soon—because apparently, I like giving myself more shoutouts to deliver later.
