A Jam-Packed Travel Day… and We’re Just Getting Started
Today has been one of those travel days — the kind that feels like three days in one. After bouncing through flights and finally touching down in Fort Lauderdale, I grabbed a Lyft straight to Port Everglades, ready to shift into cruise mode.
First stop? Butter Chicken. Because nothing fuels a long day of airports and chaos like comfort food, just as I sat down, a lady plowed into my chair like she mistook it for a gate agent. Travel bingo: Complete.
Fast-forward to dinner onboard — where I fully embraced cruise life by ordering not one but two main entrées (because why choose?). Now I’m finishing the night strong with a coffee and Lemon Tarts, taking in the energy of the Celebrity Reflection as we start this journey.
If you want all the behind-the-scenes moments, laughs, food, and chaos, follow along at NielFlamm.com → Videos → Travel.
Living my best life… and the cruise just started. 🚢✨
✈️ Quick Hop From CHS → CLT → FLL… Then Straight to Sea! 🚢
Today’s travel day was one of those classic “up, down, up, down, now go find the ship” kinds of journeys. I left Charleston (CHS) early, made the quick jump to Charlotte (CLT), grabbed a coffee during the layover, and before I knew it I was landing in sunny Fort Lauderdale (FLL) with one mission: get to the cruise port and sail away.
Travel days like this are always a mix of airports, terminals, gate changes, and people-watching—but I capture as much of it as I can so you don’t just hear about the experience… you see it.
If you want the full behind-the-scenes look—
the airport moments, the commentary, the humor, the real traveler’s view—head over to NielFlamm.com → Videos → Travel.
There’s a ton of video content waiting for you that really shows the journey from runway to gangway. Grab a snack, settle in, and come along for the ride. 🚀🛳️
🎭 LinkedIn Dialogue: “Nextdoor HQ — The Day of Total Silence (Nov 20th)” (Satire)
INT. NEXTDOOR HEADQUARTERS – CRISIS FLOOR – NOVEMBER 20, 9:42 AM (Satire)
The office is dead silent. No one has posted anything. No one knows why.
Except Niel. Niel knows precisely why.
Scene 1 — Nirav’s Stress Buffet
NIRAV TOLIA (President, pacing in circles)
Where’s my Boudin sourdough?!
Where’s my Red Bull?!
I need carbs and wings, people! We haven’t posted for a whole day!
Is anyone IN THIS COMPANY STILL AWAKE!?
CHIEF OF STAFF
Sir, you ate all twelve loaves—and four cases of Red Bull. You’ve been awake for 19 hours straight.
NIRAV
Good. If I stay awake long enough, the comments will remain off themselves.
Scene 2 — The C-Suite Panic
CMO (Chief Marketing Officer)
Could you send us a post? Anything. A dog adoption story. A neighbor is fixing a mailbox—a leaf. JUST GIVE ME A LEAF.
CFO
We can’t post a leaf. Niel Flamm will repost it with analysis.
CTO
Could we reboot the servers?
CMO
You rebooted them yesterday! That’s why the intern got trapped in the elevator!
Scene 3 — The Intern Returns
INTERN
(thrilled to be useful)
Sir! Should I boot up the Commodore 64 again?
C-SUITE (simultaneously)
NO!!!
CTO
Last time you touched it, you unplugged the whole San Francisco office.
Scene 4 — A New Disaster
HR DIRECTOR
Uh… leadership?
We forgot something.
NIRAV
(exhausted)
What now?
HR DIRECTOR
We forgot to turn off comments on yesterday’s engagement post.
C-SUITE GASPS LIKE A SOAP OPERA
NIRAV
No… no, no no no—
Tell me Niel didn’t see it.
INTERN
(checking phone)
Oh, he saw it.
He reposted it. Twice.
And added thoughts.
NIRAV
(turns pale)
We are doomed.
Scene 5 — THE ROTARY PHONE RINGS
A red rotary phone on the wall lights up. A spotlight hits it. Everyone freezes.
CFO
No…
Not the Board Phone.
Not… THAT phone.
ROTARY PHONE:
Brrrrrring… Brrrrrring… Brrrrrring…
NIRAV
(swallowing hard)
Okay, everyone… nobody breathe.
If we stand very still, they can’t hear us.
CTO
Sir, that’s how dinosaurs work.
NIRAV
Same principle.
He picks up the phone like it’s a live grenade.
Scene 6 — BOARD OF DIRECTORS CALL
BOARD CHAIR (voice booming through rotary phone)
Nirav.
Why hasn’t Nextdoor posted today?
Why is LinkedIn exploding with talk about silence?
Why is there a man named Niel Flamm running circles around your entire operation?
NIRAV
(stammering)
W-we’re handling it! We just—
We ran out of sourdough!
And Red Bull!
And emotional stability!
BOARD CHAIR
Do we need to come down there?
C-SUITE (whispers in panic)
Say no. SAY NO!
NIRAV
No sir! Everything is under control!
(Immediately, a fire alarm goes off in the background)
Scene 7 — Niel Checks LinkedIn
NIEL
(sipping coffee, calm)
Still no post.
Still no comment.
Still nothing.
Silence is a strategy.
Not a good one…
…but a strategy
#Nextdoor #Corporate #Comedy #Flammlandia #RotaryPhone #Crisi #Leadership #SocialMedia #Silence #TransparencyMatters #Community #Engagement #CorporateSatire #Humor
🔥 “I Just Reviewed Soul on Fire — Here’s Where to Find It” 🔥
I just finished watching Soul on Fire, and this one definitely earns a spot in the spotlight. From its emotional pacing to the choices that either hit hard or miss completely, there was plenty to unpack — and I dove right into all of it in my latest review.
If you want my full breakdown, head over to NielFlamm.com:
Videos → Movie Reviews → Soul on Fire
(Reviews are listed alphabetically, so just scroll to “S.”)
In the review, I share exactly what worked, what didn’t, and the moments that made me stop and think. Whether you’ve seen it already or you’re debating pressing play, my thoughts might give you a different angle to consider.
Check it out and let me know what you think — I always love hearing different perspectives.
🎰 Dialogue: “Nextdoor Prop Bets at the Flammlandia Casino Sportsbook”
INT. FLAMMLANDIA CASINO — SPORTSBOOK — DAY
Huge digital boards flash with odds: “NEXTDOOR PROP BETS — LIVE.”
Screens show Nirav’s LinkedIn posts, a Commodore 64 boot screen, and a dusty 1983 Yugo.
A gambler walks up to the counter holding a hot dog, a racing form, and a confused expression.
GAMBLER
(excited)
Alright, kid. I’m here for today’s Nextdoor props. Heard they’re hotter than the Dolphins’ 4th-quarter collapse.
SPORTSBOOK TELLER
Today’s board is wild. You want the standard lines or the exotic props?
GAMBLER
Give me all of it. I haven’t seen odds this fun since the “Will Twitter Break Today?” market.
The teller slides over a glossy sheet titled “NEXTDOOR ACTIONS: TODAY’S OFFICIAL ODDS.”
SPORTSBOOK TELLER
Alright, here’s what we’ve got:
📌 Not post for 3 days — 5/4
📌 Not post for 5 days — 9/2
📌 Not post for 7 days — 12/1
📌 Not reach out to Niel — LOCK OF THE DAY, -5000
📌 Deactivate LinkedIn account — 18/1
📌 Try a new slick way to avoid Niel commenting — 9/4
📌 Shut down the entire operation rather than DM him — 80/1
📌 Accidentally let comments stay ON for 45 seconds — 200/1
📌 Page the Intern and boot up the Commodore 64 — EVEN MONEY
GAMBLER
(shaking his head)
Man… this is chaos. Who’s making these decisions? A Magic 8 Ball?
SPORTSBOOK TELLER
Pretty much. The 8 Ball is overqualified.
GAMBLER
Alright, lemme put $50 on “Try another slick workaround.” They love that one.
SPORTSBOOK TELLER
Smart play. They usually do a triple-reverse-shadow-ban-repost maneuver. They confuse themselves every time.
Suddenly, the big board flashes BREAKING NEWS:
🚨 NEXTDOOR HAS NOT POSTED FOR 2 HOURS 🚨
👏 ODDS UPDATED LIVE 👏
GAMBLER
Whoa! They haven’t posted?? Is that a sign?!
SPORTSBOOK TELLER
It could be a standard Thursday panic. Or the intern lost the Yugo keys again.
GAMBLER
I’m doubling down. $100 on “Not posting for 5 days.”
A loudspeaker crackles:
LOUDSPEAKER
“Attention Flammlandia Sportsbook patrons:
New prop added — ‘Will Nextdoor accidentally enable comments again today?’ Odds currently 500/1. Place bets responsibly.”
GAMBLER
(smiling, pulls out wallet)
Deal me in. I haven’t seen odds that juicy since MySpace tried a reboot.
TELLER
Just remember in Flammlandia, the house doesn’t always win…
But Nextdoor doesn’t.
They share a knowing nod.
Niel Flamm.com
#Flammlandia #Nextdoor #DigitalAccountability #LeadershipMatters #TransparencyNow #CorporateIntegrity #CommunityTrust #PlatformAccountability #ModerationMatters #UserAdvocacy #DemandBetter #SocialMediaEthics
👁️ New Video: My Cataract Surgery Journey — Both Eyes Done!
I just uploaded a new video in the Videos → Cataracts category, sharing what the full experience was like after completing cataract surgery in both eyes.
This wasn’t just a medical procedure — it was a significant shift in how I see the world, literally. From the blurry days leading up to surgery, to the strange-but-fascinating recovery process, to finally realizing how bright and sharp everything looks again, I walk through it all in the video.
If you’re preparing for cataract surgery, supporting someone who is, or just curious about what the process feels like from the patient's side, this video offers an honest look at the journey.
🎥 Watch it now:
NielFlamm.com → Videos → Cataracts
Light, clarity, and another chapter shared.
🚑 “The Bus Came to Get Me” — A Day in the Life at the Dialysis Center
Today, the ambulance — or as many of us call it, “the bus” — rolled up to take me to the dialysis center.
From experience, there’s a unique rhythm to riding in the bus. The hum of the engine, the soft chatter of EMTs, and that moment you settle in and think: “Well, here we go again.” It’s not glamorous, but it’s real — and it’s part of the journey many of us never expected to take.
Watch a new video I uploaded on NielFlamm.com → Videos → End Stage Renal Disease. In it, I talk about the bus showing up and my thoughts — the video is worth a watch.
Dialysis isn’t just treatment. It’s a lifestyle adjustment. It’s managing fatigue, staying positive, and sometimes laughing at the absurdity of it all — even when the “bus” becomes an unofficial chauffeur service.
If you’ve ever sat in the back of that ambulance thinking about the weight of ESRD, know this: you’re not alone. Our journeys may look different, but our resilience ties us together.
🎥 Watch the video here:
NielFlamm.com → Videos → End Stage Renal Disease
Let’s keep sharing stories. Let’s keep lifting each other up - one day at a time.
💬 A Realization: This Might Be Career Suicide — But It Might Also Be Leadership
I’m fully aware that my tenacity on LinkedIn, especially in pushing for transparency and accountability from platforms like #Nextdoor, could be seen by some as “career suicide.”
And yet… I’m still here. Still speaking. I’m still asking for someone — anyone — in leadership to reach out and have a conversation.
Why?
Because I’m doing what I believe is right for:
✅ Neighbors
✅ Users
✅ Shareholders
✅ Employees
✅ Advertisers
…and for the integrity of the digital communities we all rely on.
If a company publicly claims a mission of connecting neighbors, then following through on that mission isn’t optional — it’s essential. A mission statement isn’t a slogan; it’s a promise. And promises matter.
Apathy lets problems perpetuate.
When someone is stranded on the side of the road and I drive past, I become part of the problem — not the solution.
That’s not who I am.
Some may interpret my persistence as disruptive.
But an employer with vision will see something different:
• Tenacity
• Courage to ask hard questions
• Creativity
• Strategic use of tools and platforms
• Commitment to community
• Leadership traits necessary in Learning & Development
In L&D, we’re asked to challenge the status quo, improve processes, identify gaps, and advocate for people who may not have a voice. That’s precisely what I’m doing here.
So yes — maybe this is risky.
But leadership often is.
If anyone from #Nextdoor would like to have an honest conversation, my door, phone, and inbox are open. I’m not attacking; I’m advocating. And I genuinely believe we can build something better when we start with dialogue.
👉 NielFlamm.com
👉 LinkedIn Messenger
👉 Email: niel@nielflamm.com
I’m here.
Waiting.
eady to talk.
#Leadership #LearningAndDevelopment #Integrity #DigitalCommunities #Transparency #CorporateAccountability #MissionDriven #CommunityMatters
🦈 When a Guest Spot on Shark Tank Becomes a Turning Point… But Not in the Way You’d Expect
Many people remember when @NiravTolia, co-founder of #Nextdoor, appeared as a guest Shark on #SharkTank. It was a big moment — visibility, credibility, and recognition as a builder of something meaningful.
But sometimes high-profile moments don’t ground a leader…
They elevate the ego instead of the mission.
And watching how #Nextdoor operates today, it’s hard not to wonder if that spotlight moment did more to inflate confidence than reinforce humility.
Because the platform that claims to “cultivate a kinder world where everyone has a neighborhood they can rely on” is now:
• Turning off comments on critical questions
• Relying on unpaid, untrained moderators with inconsistent enforcement
• Removing legitimate posts as “spam”
• Avoiding transparent dialogue with actual users
• Presenting engagement numbers that don’t reflect real community interaction
And here’s one of the most absurd examples yet:
In my own neighborhood, a user was suspended for posting too many photos of downtown #Charleston — beautiful, well-shot, uplifting pictures of the very community #Nextdoor claims to celebrate.
Suspended… for appreciating our neighborhood.
How does that align with “kinder,” “connected,” or “community-driven”?
It doesn’t.
Leadership isn’t about TV appearances or polished messages — it’s about aligning actions with values, especially when you’re stewarding a platform built around neighborhoods.
The irony is that Shark Tank celebrates bold questions, tough conversations, and accountability.
Yet on #Nextdoor, those same principles aren’t being practiced.
I hope the same confidence it took to sit in that Shark Tank chair can also be applied to showing up honestly with the community that built the platform in the first place.
Because neighbors deserve leadership that’s grounded — not just spotlight-ready.
NielFlamm.com
#Leadership #Nextdoor #Transparency #Accountability #SharkTank #DigitalCommunities #MissionVsReality #CommunityTrust #CorporateIntegrity #CharlestonSC
🎟️ When there’s a betting slip to predict a company’s behavior… things have gotten absurd.
I created this “#Nextdoor Action Betting” slip as a joke—
…but the fact that it feels accurate says everything.
Here are the “odds” I’m apparently working with:
Not post for 3 days
Not post for 5 days
Not post for 7 days
Not reach out to Niel (the safest bet in America)
Deactivate their LinkedIn account
Try another slick way to get around me not commenting
Close up the entire shop instead of having one conversation
Funny? Yes.
Comforting? Absolutely not.
📊 And here’s the real kicker… the metrics.
#Nextdoor cannot present platform engagement metrics, advertiser value, or “trusted neighbor data” as solid numbers when half the variables depend on unpaid, untrained, anonymous local moderators.
If moderators—who are not employees, not trained, and not accountable—can:
flag legitimate posts as “Spam,”
suppress listings,
remove community discussions,
or shut down basic neighbor-to-neighbor interaction…
…then what exactly are these metrics measuring?
Certainly not authentic community behavior.
Advertisers, investors, and even everyday users deserve to know whether engagement data reflects real activity or the unpredictable decisions of volunteers armed with inconsistent guidelines.
When the entire model depends on “neighbors helping neighbors,” #Nextdoor cannot ignore the fact that the same neighbors—unpaid and unsupported—are influencing the numbers it proudly publishes.
When the platform behavior becomes predictable enough to fit on a gambling slip…
It’s time for leadership to rethink more than just posting schedules and one-sided articles.
#Nextdoor #DigitalTrust #TransparencyMatters #Moderators #PlatformMetrics #CommunityEngagement #CorporateIntegrity #SocialMediaEthics #DigitalAccountability #Advertiser #Transparency #Neighborhoods #Deserve #Better #Satire #ThatWritesItself
Is Someone from Nextdoor Trying a Hacker Tactic?
So, here’s an interesting data point from today…
At 4:23 PM ET, NielFlamm.com suddenly received a surge of hits — all at the same timestamp, all originating from what appears to be a VPN endpoint in the United States.
Could it be a coincidence? Sure.
Could it also be someone trying to flood traffic to disrupt or throttle my site? Also, possible.
Given the very public discussions I’ve been having on Nextdoor about transparency and accountability, I can’t ignore the timing. I’ve been asking for dialogue. Instead, I get canned responses… and now a burst of cloaked traffic?
If anyone from Nextdoor (or anyone who understands this tactic) wants to clarify, I’m all ears.
In the meantime, thanks for the traffic, I guess.
#Nextdoor #CyberAwareness #WebsiteTraffic #DigitalTransparency #CommunityMatters #Accountability #Hackers #Tactic
Blog Post: Nausea at the Dialysis Center — The Unspoken Reality
Some days in the dialysis chair hit harder than others. Today was one of those days — the kind where the nausea creeps in before the machine even starts humming. If you know, you know.
I’m sharing this because too many people living with End Stage Renal Disease feel like they have to tough it out in silence. But I’m talking about it — openly — so others don’t feel alone.
If you want to understand what this journey really looks like, check out the videos in the End Stage Renal Disease section on NielFlamm.com. I’m documenting everything: the good days, the bad days, and the “why is the room spinning?” ones.
Dialysis is a fight. ESRD is a marathon. But I’m still here, still pushing, telling the truth.
#DialysisLife #ESRD #KidneyFailure #Awareness #ChronicIllness #Journey
🎭 Dialogue: “DEFCON NIEL—Boot Up the Commodore 64!”
(This is satire. Just comedy. No real actions implied.)
INT. #NEXTDOOR HEADQUARTERS – WAR ROOM – DAY
Alarms blare. A giant red light flashes: “NIEL FLAMM HAS POSTED AGAIN.” Employees scatter like pigeons in a parking lot.
PRESIDENT OF ##NEXTDOOR
(standing on a chair)
Someone page the intern! Now! Niel Flamm has reposted ALL THREE ARTICLES we locked down! He added commentary! He added THOUGHTS! This is DEFCON 1.5!
CHIEF OF COMMUNICATIONS
Sir… we already turned off comments. Twice. Maybe even three times.
PRESIDENT
(turning pale)
And did that stop him?
CHIEF
No, sir. He… reposted everything with screenshots. Every. Single. Thing.
PRESIDENT
(whispers)
Oh dear God. Someone, wake up the Commodore 64.
CUT TO: INTERN’S DESK
The intern is eating cold ramen, using a stapler as a spoon.
LOUDSPEAKER:
“INTERN TO WAR ROOM. INTERN TO WAR ROOM. BRING A FLASH DRIVE. AND SNACKS.”
INTERN
(confused)
Uh-oh… they’re gonna make me boot up that antique again.
WAR ROOM
PRESIDENT
Intern! We need the Commodore 64 online. ASAP! Niel Flamm is exposing our engagement shutdown! He reposted the articles, he’s analyzing our metrics, he’s questioning moderators—HE’S RELENTLESS!
INTERN
(nervous)
Sir, the Commodore 64 takes 17 minutes to warm up… and… it’s powered by a single extension cord plugged into the break room microwave.
PRESIDENT
Then RUN. Plug it in manually!
INTERN
Sir, with respect—I don’t have a company phone. You canceled my Wi-Fi access. I don’t even get bus fare reimbursement.
PRESIDENT
Fine! Use the nearest phone!
INTERN
(confused)
…The nearest pay phone?
PRESIDENT
YES! If that's what it takes!
EXT. STREET – HALF A MILE AWAY
The intern sprints down the sidewalk, clutching the ancient computer tower like a newborn.
INTERN
(panting)
Why didn’t they buy a Chromebook…?
He reaches an old pay phone that somehow still exists.
INTERN
(dialing)
Hi, War Room? It’s me. I’m online. Tell me the command!
WAR ROOM – BACK INSIDE
PRESIDENT
(shouting)
Type: “STOPNIEL.EXE”
CHIEF OF COMMUNICATIONS
Sir… that file doesn’t exist.
PRESIDENT
Then MAKE it exist! He’s reposted all three articles! WITH commentary! WITH analysis! WITH accuracy!
CHIEF
Sir… the system says the Commodore 64 only accepts commands related to Oregon Trail.
PRESIDENT
(puts head in hands)
We’re doomed…
INT. PAY PHONE – INTERN
INTERN
Sir, the computer froze. It says:
“YOU HAVE DIED OF TRANSPARENCY.”
WAR ROOM
PRESIDENT
(breathing into a paper bag)
Someone… ANYONE… draft a statement… No, wait—don’t. He’ll repost that too.
CUT TO: NIEL FLAMM
Niel calmly posts on LinkedIn: another screenshot, another commentary, another perfectly reasonable question.
NIEL
(smiling)
You can turn off comments.
You can remove replies.
But you can’t delete the truth.
Visit: NielFlamm.com
BACK TO WAR ROOM
PRESIDENT
(whispers)
He’s unstoppable.
Someone bring me sourdough. We’re going into lockdown.
Why I’m on Nextdoor’s Back (And Why It’s Getting Funnier by the Day)
Let’s clear something up from the start:
I’m not on Nextdoor’s back because I want to be.
I’m on their back because they made it impossible not to be.
I didn’t wake up one morning and say, “You know what I’d love? A corporate crusade.”
No.
What happened was simple:
I started asking fair, reasonable, neighborly questions — the kind you’d expect from a platform built on connecting neighbors.
And Nextdoor reacted like I had walked into HQ and demanded the keys to the building.
Why I’m Calling Them Out (The Truth Part)
I asked about transparency.
I asked about vague suspension policies.
I asked why unpaid moderators have more unchecked power than the people they suspend.
I asked why Nextdoor censors posts that politely challenge business practices, especially while claiming to be a transparent, community-first platform.
Then I asked why, during a federal government shutdown — when thousands of families relying on SNAP need help — Nextdoor couldn’t step up with even a symbolic show of support.
Not cash.
Not a fund.
Just acknowledgment.
Reasonable.
Human.
Neighborly.
Nextdoor’s response?
Silence.
And then?
Delete. Delete. Delete.
Why I’m Not Stopping (The Funny Part)
Instead of responding, Nextdoor treated me like a Marvel villain storming their digital fortress.
They locked comments.
They deleted replies.
They assigned an employee — who I imagine is now living on espresso shots and fear — to stalk LinkedIn like an undercover hall monitor.
At one point, I’m convinced they even paged someone to dust off a Commodore 64 to “neutralize” my posts.
(It didn’t work.)
I once got comments removed so fast, I assumed someone in the war room yelled,
“DEFCON 2! Niel posted again!”
But here’s the punchline:
Every time they try to silence me, I gain more followers, get more engagement, and the conversation gets louder.
You’d think by now someone on their executive team would say:
“Maybe… we should just talk to him?”
Nope.
They’ve built an invisible moat around their LinkedIn page, and the only thing missing is a drawbridge and two alligators.
What This Is Really About
I’m advocating for:
Real transparency
Real accountability
Real support for communities
Real conversation
And a company living its mission, not just marketing it
Nothing unreasonable.
Nothing extreme.
Nothing harmful.
Just truth, dialogue, and consistency — three things you’d think any community platform would want.
Why I Won’t Be Apathetic
When something is wrong, staying silent keeps it bad.
I’m pushing because:
Neighbors deserve better
Communities deserve clarity
Users deserve honesty
And platforms that claim to build neighborhoods shouldn’t be afraid to speak to one neighbor who’s asking basic questions
I’m not here to tear them down.
I’m here to challenge them to live up to their mission:
“Cultivate a kinder world where everyone has a neighborhood they can rely on.”
That’s a beautiful mission.
It would be even more beautiful if lived out.
So, Why Am I Still On Their Back?
Because they’re doing everything possible on LinkedIn to avoid doing the one simple thing that would resolve all of this:
Have a conversation.
Call me.
Message me.
Email me.
Contact info?
Everywhere:
👉 NielFlamm.com
I’m not hiding.
I’m literally waiting at the digital door with a welcome mat.
Until then?
I’ll keep posting.
I’ll keep asking.
I’ll keep holding the mirror up.
Because someone must.
And apparently, that someone is me.
🔥 #Nextdoor HQ – DEFCON 2: The Flammlandia Escalation 🔥
(This is satire. Just comedy. No real actions implied.)
Location:
The top-secret “#Nextdoor Fortress,” somewhere in San Francisco — surrounded by fog, kombucha barrels, and questionable mission statements.
President (slamming fists on the table):
“DEFCON 2, everyone!
Niel of Flammlandia has gained TWO new LinkedIn followers and received TWO comments on his latest post — a share of OUR Melissa story used against us!
We’re being out-neighborhooded!”
CMO Brandy Buzzwords:
“This is catastrophic! #Engagement… from Niel?! That’s supposed to be our job!”
CISO Cy R. Breach:
“Sir, the system is freaking out. Alarms are flashing. Every time someone likes Niel’s post, the #Nextdoor firewall screams, ‘INTRUDER: TRUTH APPROACHING.’”
CTO Techie McBandwidth:
“We tried shutting down his comments… he shared the post anyway!
And now people are agreeing with him!
Sir… the algorithm can’t process ‘authenticity.’ It’s overheating.”
CFO Penny Pincherstein:
“At DEFCON 2, protocol requires initiating Fortress Lockdown Mode.
We must seal all exits, silence all communication channels, and limit everyone to one slice of #Boudin sourdough per person per day.”
CHRO Huggie Feelingsworth (crying into a stress ball):
“We can’t ration the sourdough! It’s the only thing keeping morale above zero!”
Intern Internson (the Commodore 64 operator):
“Sir… I rebooted the #Commodore64 to delete Niel’s shares manually…
but it refuses.
It says— and I’m quoting—
‘ERROR 404: YOU CAN’T STOP THE TRUTH.’”
President (pulling at hair, visibly losing more by the minute):
“He’s powerful… too powerful.
He posted the Melissa story… against us?!
That was supposed to be our “look how amazing we are” post!
Now people are seeing the contradiction!”
Chief Strategy Officer Visionary Vaguehart:
“We need a pivot… a synergy… a distraction… a hyperlocal non-response response…”
President:
“NO! We bunker down.
Seal the fortress.
Lock the doors.
Initiate Operation: Pretend Nothing Is Wrong.
We survive on sourdough and silence until the storm passes.”
Random Engineer (peeking into the room):
“Sir, it’s been 12 minutes since his last share.
He could post again at any moment.”
Entire Room:
GASPS
President (yelling):
“Everyone to the bunker!
We are officially at DEFCON 2!
Move, move, move!
And someone guard the sourdough — we can’t risk losing morale!”
Intern:
“Sir… should we… maybe… just reach out to Niel?”
The room goes silent. Even the fluorescent lights flicker.
President (veins popping):
“Reach out… to Niel?
A neighbor of Earth?
Absolutely NOT!
We bunker down! We fortify!
We ration!
WE. DO. NOT. COMMUNICATE!”
CFO:
“What happens if he hits 3 followers?”
President (screaming):
“THEN WE GO TO DEFCON 1!!!”
#Nextdoor #Corporate #Comedy #Satire #MissionStatement #Meltdown #EngagementGate #CommentWars #Flammlandia #CSuite #Chaos
#Commodore64 #BlackBerryBrigade #DeleteSquad #LinkedIn #Humor #DigitalEthics
🤣 #Nextdoor HQ — “Crisis Mode: Niel Has Posted Again” (Satire) 🤣
President (storming into the war room):
“Team! I thought we solved the problem! We turned off comments—Niel shouldn’t be able to say anything!”
Chief Strategy Officer (glancing at BlackBerry):
“Uh… sir… Niel shared the post instead. He wrote a full commentary about how our actions contradict our mission statement. It’s going viral.”
Intern (panicking as he plugs in a dusty computer):
“Sir! I’m booting up the #Commodore64 again! The modem’s warming up!”
*Commodore 64 emits a loud screech: SKRRRKKK–BEEEP–WEEEEEE~ *
President:
“Good! We need every tool we have! Even if it’s from 1983!”
CMO (scrolling on #BlackBerry):
“He’s already posted screenshots… memes… and a comic strip of us. Sir… there are hashtags.”
CISO (also on a #BlackBerry):
“Sir, the #BlackBerry server just got 14 alerts labeled: “NIEL STRIKES AGAIN 🔥’”
President (shouting):
“How?! We turned off comments! TURNED. OFF. COMMENTS!”
Chief of Strategy:
“Sir… he didn’t comment. He just… shared the post publicly and explained everything we tried to hide.”
CFO (checking BlackBerry, horrified):
“Sir, our ‘Delete Niel Related Content’ overtime budget is now negative. We owe money. To ourselves.”
Intern (still fighting the Commodore):
“The #C64 says ‘SYNTAX ERROR’. I don’t know what that means, but it feels personal.”
President (frantic):
“We need a new plan. Something bold! Something extreme! Something ridiculous! Anything to stop Niel!”
CHRO:
“Sir… we could just reach out to him. He’s available on email, a phone call, LinkedIn, his website, #TikTok, #X, #Bluesky—”
President (cutting her off):
“NO! That’s outrageous! We don’t do that! We’ll use every outdated piece of hardware we can find before we speak to him!”
Intern:
“Sir… Niel says in his post he’s just waiting on us to live up to our own mission and reach out to a neighbor.”
President (slams fist on the table):
“We’re not reaching out to a neighbor!
Not now!
Not ever!
Unless—”
Team leans in…
President:
“…he stops posting.”
Entire C-Suite (checking BlackBerrys in unison):
“That’s… not going to happen, sir.”
#Nextdoor #Corporate #Comedy #Satire #MissionStatement #Meltdown #EngagementGate #CommentWars #Flammlandia #CSuite #Chaos
#Commodore64 #BlackBerryBrigade #DeleteSquad #LinkedIn #Humor #DigitalEthics #TransparencyMatters #Neighborhood #Nonsense #CrisisMode #ComedyStrip
#TechThrowback #SocialMediaDrama
🤣 Flammlandia Casino – Sports Book Dialogue 🤣
“The Nextdoor Engagement Shutdown Odds” Edition
Bettor (walking up to the counter):
“Hey, what’s the line today on Nextdoor keeping comments turned off on LinkedIn?”
Bet Taker (grinning):
“Oh, buddy… you picked the right table.
The President of Nextdoor is losing more hair than we can refresh the odds. Look at him over there.”
(They look over — the fictional President of Nextdoor is pacing in circles, hair falling out like confetti.)
President (fictional parody, shouting):
“WHY ARE THERE MORE POSTS?! WHO KEEPS ADDING HASHTAGS?! I CAN’T KEEP UP!”
Bet Taker:
“See what I mean? Poor guy’s one meltdown away from needing a hat sponsorship.”
---
TODAY’S ODDS
2:1 — Comments stay off until lunch
9:1 — Comments stay off until the Board asks, “Why is engagement zero?”
18:1 — President loses all remaining hair before comments return
45:1 — Comments stay off through Q4
100:1 — Comments are re-enabled and they respond to Niel Flamm
500:1 — President actually reaches out to Niel instead of pressing buttons
---
Bettor:
“Wow. That last one seems impossible.”
Bet Taker:
“Yep. That’s why it pays out big.
You’ve got a better chance of the President growing his hair back.”
President (pulling hair out):
“WHO TURNED COMMENTS BACK ON?!! WAIT—NO—TURN THEM OFF AGAIN!!”
Bet Taker:
“…Aaand there he goes. Odds just shifted.”
🤣 Fictional “Nextdoor War Room” Dialogue (Comedy Satire) 🤣
President (slamming folder on table):
“Team, Niel Flamm posted AGAIN. And today’s topic is… trust. TRUST! The one thing we avoid by not engaging with him!”
Chief of Strategy:
“He’s calling us out for contradicting our mission again. Should we maybe… talk to him?”
President:
“ABSOLUTELY NOT! This is WAR.”
Engagement Director:
“Sir, he’s right. Saying we’re about trust while refusing to talk to him does look… bad.”
President (eyes twitching):
“ENOUGH! I know exactly what to do.”
He dramatically slams a giant red button labeled: TURN OFF ENGAGEMENT
💥 All comments have been instantly disabled across LinkedIn.
VP of Operations:
“Uh… sir? That’s literally doing the opposite of trust.”
President:
“Opposite of trust? PERFECT. If Niel can’t post, we WIN!”
Intern (nervously):
“Sir… he’ll just post ABOUT us turning off engagement.”
President:
“…Deploy the moderators. Close the blinds. Nobody breathes!”
I Just Reviewed Predator: Badlands — Here’s Where to Find It
The newest review is up! I just finished breaking down Predator: Badlands, and trust me, this one deserved its own spotlight. Whether you loved it, hated it, or are still trying to figure out what you watched… my review covers it.
To check it out, here’s exactly where to go on NielFlamm.com:
Go to the header at the top of the site
Click Videos
Select Movie Reviews
The reviews are listed in alphabetical order, so scroll down to P for Predator: Badlands
Easy, clean, organized — just how I like it.
In the review, I break down:
What the movie got right
What it absolutely fumbled
A few moments that had me questioning my life choices
And of course, whether it deserves a rewatch or a refund
If you’re into action, sci-fi, or the “did they really choose that storyline?” genre, you’ll want to give this one (and my review) a look.
Why Car-Selling Scammers Keep Following Me (And Why It Feels Like Nextdoor All Over Again)
Apparently, I’ve become that guy—the one car-selling scammers now follow like I’m the season finale of their favorite drama series.
All I did was tell the truth.
Expose a few shady listings.
Mention that “runs great, needs nothing” shouldn’t involve three warning lights, a missing VIN plate, and a seller named “Big T” who can only meet behind a gas station at midnight.
Suddenly, my views spike… from scammers.
I’m slowing down their business, and they don't like it.
Honestly, it feels a lot like my experience on Nextdoor:
You bring up a valid concern, speak the truth, and instantly, every anonymous moderator and their cousin is clutching their pearls.
Except this time, instead of getting suspended by an unpaid neighborhood vigilante, I’m just being watched by mad car sellers. I ruined their “$500 down, trust me, bro” sales pitch.
Here’s what I know:
When you shine a flashlight into the scammer cave, they scatter like raccoons around a knocked-over trash can.
But they still peek back…
To see if I’m talking about them again. (Spoiler: I am.)
So, to the scammers watching this—hi, hello, welcome back.
And to everyone else trying to buy a car:
I’ll keep telling the truth, slow their hustle, and make sure you don’t end up with a lemon that costs more in therapy than in repairs.
You’re welcome.
