My Billion-Dollar Career Is Delayed... Again 💸😂
Well...
I checked my personal Powerball and Mega Millions tickets.
The results were exactly what you'd expect.
I did not become an instant billionaire.
I'm still checking the lottery pool tickets, so there's a microscopic glimmer of hope. Somewhere between "highly unlikely" and "did I miss a number?"
The jackpots continue to climb:
🎟️ Powerball: $544 million (Monday)
🎟️ Mega Millions: $707 million (Tuesday)
That's a combined $1.251 billion waiting for someone.
I've already shared some of the practical things I'd do if I won. But after taking care of my family, helping my community, and making sure my friends were doing well, I'd have to spend a little on nonsense.
Here are three new ideas:
1. Hire a Professional Excuse Writer
Running late? Flat tire? Alien abduction? My personal excuse writer would have a believable explanation ready in under 30 seconds.
2. Open the World's First Museum of Lost TV Remotes
Every remote you've ever lost somehow ends up there. Admission is free, but finding the exit remote costs extra.
3. Start a Competitive Lawn Flamingo League
Teams would draft the finest pink plastic flamingos, complete with instant replay, referees, and commentators, treating every lawn decoration like the Super Bowl.
Completely ridiculous?
Absolutely.
That's part of the fun.
Now it's your turn...
If you won $1.251 billion, what's the first ridiculous thing you'd do?
Leave a comment on the blog. I can't wait to see your ideas—and who knows, maybe one of us will actually need them one day.
Join the discussion on NielFlamm.com.
My Future Ex-Wife Is Going to Be So Proud 💰😂
The lottery refuses to cooperate with my retirement plans.
So here we are again.
🎟️ Mega Millions: $672 million (Friday)
🎟️ Powerball: $526 million (Saturday)
That’s nearly $1.2 BILLION just sitting there, waiting for someone to claim it.
I’ve been thinking about what I’d do if I won.
Sure, I’d take care of my family.
I’d help the communities and causes that have been important to me.
I’d make sure my friends were doing okay. (If we haven’t spoken since MySpace, this is probably a bad time to reconnect.)
But after the responsible stuff…
Things could get a little weird.
I’d found the world’s most exclusive underground fraternity: Omega Cucumber Omega (Ω🥒Ω).
The initiation? Standing in a circle while everyone gets pelted with cucumbers. Why cucumbers? Because billionaires don’t have to explain themselves.
Our official motto?
“Making poor financial decisions so you don’t have to.”
Annual dues would be exactly $1, because we’re not in it for the money.
There would be a Board of Directors whose only responsibility is debating whether Tuesdays should officially become “Wear Hawaiian Shirts While Grocery Shopping Day.”
I’d sponsor a competitive professional nap league.
I’d hire someone whose full-time job is reminding me where I left my phone.
I’d create a scholarship for people who have never said, “Reply all.”
I’d buy a beach house.
I’d buy a sweet ride.
And yes… somewhere in there I’d probably meet my future ex-wife. At least we’d have a beautiful view during the divorce negotiations.
Will any of this happen?
Probably not.
Will I spend a few bucks dreaming about it?
Absolutely.
Sometimes the ticket isn’t about the jackpot. It’s about spending a couple of days imagining a life where your biggest problem is deciding whether your pet llama should have its own swimming pool.
Good luck this weekend!
And if you win because this blog reminded you to buy a ticket… remember who believed in you before you were rich.
$7 Could Buy You a Billion-Dollar Fantasy 💰🎰
Well… nobody won Powerball on Monday.
Which means congratulations! We are all still not billionaires. 😂
But the dream continues.
Wednesday’s Powerball jackpot is now $498 million, and tonight’s Mega Millions jackpot remains at $637 million.
Doing some very advanced Niel-style lottery mathematics (also known as counting on my fingers):
🎟️ One Powerball ticket: $2
🎟️ One Mega Millions ticket: $5
Total investment: $7
Potential return?
$1.135 BILLION.
That’s not just life-changing money. That’s “your life gets a completely different operating system” money.
A billion dollars means you can solve problems, help communities, support causes you care about, buy some ridiculous toys, and still have more money than you could reasonably spend.
And yes, even a guy like me has a chance. A guy with 1.5 legs, failing kidneys, and bad eyes (also apparently smaller eyes thanks to my Asian heritage 😂) could still walk into billionaire status.
At that point, maybe even a supermodel would finally answer my messages.
Although knowing my luck, she’d probably just want me for my Corvette collection and beachfront property.
The odds may be terrible, but the dream is free until you buy the ticket.
So who’s buying one?
And if you do win because you read this reminder… remember, a generous thank-you contribution to the guy who inspired the purchase would be appreciated. I accept cash, cars, beach houses, and charitable donations made in my name. 🤣
Anyone interested in a lottery pool? Reach out!
Join the fun at NielFlamm.com
I Didn’t Win… And You Didn’t Either (Probably) 💰🎰
I didn’t win the lottery.
And guess what? You didn’t either.
How do I know? Because this weekend’s lotto jackpots are still sitting at over $1 BILLION combined.
That’s right, billion with a B. Enough money to put me in a tax bracket where I’d suddenly need a team of accountants explaining tax-friendly countries.
Just kidding, IRS.
Sorta. 👀
Tonight’s Mega Millions jackpot is $604 million, and Saturday’s Powerball jackpot is $457 million.
When — not if — I win, I already have a few plans.
First stop? Camino Real Chevrolet because of the Camino Gals. A Z06 Corvette will do just fine. Yes, there is a ZR1, but even imaginary billionaire Niel still likes a good deal. Some habits don’t change.
Then maybe a house on the beach, because waking up to the ocean sounds slightly better than checking emails.
After that? Helping communities and causes I care about.
At some point, how much money does one person need to stack away just because? There’s a difference between living comfortably and hoarding a mountain of cash you could never possibly spend.
That being said, if the winning numbers hit… no, I am not suddenly available to an eighth-removed cousin from my ex-wife’s side of the family. Also, please don’t invite me into your “once-in-a-lifetime business opportunity” that suspiciously feels like Devil Corp wearing a fancy suit.
Dream big. Have fun.
After all…
You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
Over $1 Billion Reasons to Make Questionable Financial Decisions 💰🎰
This is your official public service announcement from the corner of the internet you didn’t ask for.
There is currently over $1 BILLION sitting on the table between the Mega Millions and Powerball lotteries.
Yes… billion with a B.
Tonight is Mega Millions, where a ticket costs $5. Tomorrow is Powerball, where you can buy a dream for $2. That’s before adding Power Play, Megaplier, bonus magic dust, extra lucky buttons, unicorn upgrades, or whatever “powerups” they are selling these days. 😂
Are the odds good? Absolutely not. You probably have a better chance of finding your missing sock from 2007. But for a few bucks, you get a couple days of pretending you are shopping for mansions, deciding which private jet makes sense, and figuring out which people suddenly “always believed in you.”
If this post is somehow responsible for your winning numbers, remember who reminded you. A sizeable contribution from me would be appreciated. I accept finder’s fees, thank-you gifts, and life-changing gestures of kindness. 🤣
And for my Vegas friends… the irony continues. You can gamble your mortgage payment away on the Strip, but do you want a lottery ticket? Nope. Enjoy that scenic ride to Primm or Arizona.
Such is life.
Good luck, future billionaires. Remember the little people.
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