From 400 to 1,500: Thank You for Being Here
About two weeks ago, I looked at my website numbers and wondered, “What happened?”
Viewership was at one of its lowest points since launching the webpage. I was seeing numbers around 400, and I couldn’t figure out what had changed.
I still don’t know.
But as of yesterday, my hits and unique views had climbed to more than 1,500, with total page views topping 1,900.
All I can say is… thank you.
It is amazing to see how far this little corner of the internet is reaching. The largest share of views is coming from China, and the statistics show visits from Iran, Pakistan, Ireland, the Philippines, Canada, the United States, Venezuela, Turkey, and many more countries.
Looking at that list, it feels like nearly the whole world is represented. I sit down to share something from my life, and somehow it travels to places I have never been, reaching people I may never have the opportunity to meet.
That is pretty incredible.
Creating this blog is a joy. It gives me a place to be creative, share my experiences, and put some of what is going on in my head into words. It is also cathartic. Sometimes writing helps me work through things that are hard to sort out any other way.
Knowing that people are stopping by makes it even more meaningful.
Whether you came here for my experiences as an amputee, my health journey, my faith, a cruise story, or simply to see what questionable joke I might tell next, I appreciate you being here.
I hope to keep bringing you content that is interesting, honest, and worth your time. There is plenty of life left to write about, and apparently, I now have an international audience for my search for a future ex-wife.
Surely that improves the odds a little.
I would love to hear from you. Where are you reading from? What brought you to the page? What stories have connected with you? Share as much or as little as you feel comfortable sharing.
Thank you for reading, coming back, and sharing this space with me. Whether this is your first visit or you have been following along from the beginning, I’m grateful.
With gratitude,
Niel
Day 98: Maybe the Silence Is the Most Interesting Data of All
Day 98.
We're now two days away from triple digits, and I’m still waiting for the detailed Nextdoor Insights studies I originally requested.
But today, I’m looking at this saga differently.
What If the Experiment Wasn't the Study?
For 98 days, I've been asking Nextdoor for research data.
In the process, I've accidentally collected some data of my own.
How does an organization respond when one person simply refuses to let a reasonable question disappear?
Not with threats. Not with harassment. Not by screaming louder.
Just by continuing to ask.
At some point, the absence of an answer becomes information itself—not proof of anyone's motive, but a case study in how an organization handles persistence, ownership, and closure.
That's something you won't find in a spreadsheet.
Meanwhile, the Petition Is Live
There's now another question on the table:
If neighbor reviews, recommendations, and local knowledge become increasingly valuable to Nextdoor—especially in the age of AI—should the neighbors creating that value participate in it?
I've launched the Neighbor Value-Sharing Petition to start that conversation.
If you agree, please sign it and share it.
Tomorrow: Day 99.
Then comes 100.
The funny thing is, I started this journey looking for Nextdoor's data.
I didn't expect Nextdoor's response to become data of its own.
👉 Follow the saga at NielFlamm.com/blog
The Hinge Experiment: Sometimes the “X” Isn’t Personal—It’s a Boundary
The Hinge Experiment continues.
Still no magical love story. Still no woman standing outside my door holding a Coke Zero and saying, “Niel, I've been looking everywhere for you.”
But I am looking.
And looking also means clicking the X sometimes.
Recently, I came across three profiles of women who, from what I could see, seem perfectly nice. Interesting careers, hobbies, personalities, and lives of their own.
And I clicked X on all three.
Not because I think there's anything wrong with them.
Not because of their appearance.
Not because one likes preserving food or another thinks dating her is like finding an extra chicken nugget in your meal—which, frankly, is a pretty strong sales pitch.
It came down to one little line in the profiles:
Marijuana: Sometimes.
For me, that's a no.
Before Someone Lights the Torches—or Something Else
This isn't me telling anyone else how to live.
I'm not starting the Niel Flamm War on Weed.
I'm also not interested in debating whether marijuana should be legal, illegal, medicinal, recreational, taxed, sold, grown, smoked, eaten in a gummy, baked into a brownie, or delivered by a talking iguana named Steve.
People make their own choices.
This is mine.
I'm in recovery, and I've learned over the years that I need to know my boundaries and protect them.
Based on what I've seen and experienced, I associate marijuana use with the potential to lead toward other substance use. I also know there is debate and research around the whole concept of a “gateway drug,” so I'm not presenting my personal experience as a universal scientific rule.
I don't need it to be one.
For my recovery, I choose not to have marijuana as part of my environment or romantic relationship.
That's enough.
My Friends Are a Different Story
I have friends and fraternity brothers who may enjoy marijuana.
They're adults.
They make their decisions.
I make mine.
In most cases, they consciously choose not to use it around me.
I appreciate that.
They aren't required to live their lives according to my recovery, and I don't expect them to.
But respecting my boundary tells me something important about the friendship.
They can do their thing.
I can do mine.
And nobody needs to turn Thanksgiving dinner into a TED Talk about cannabis.
Alcohol Is Weirdly Different for Me
This may sound contradictory, but I've gone on dates with women who drink alcohol responsibly.
And I find it absolutely fascinating.
Someone orders a glass of wine.
Then perhaps...
another glass of wine.
And then...
THEY STOP.
What kind of sorcery is this?
Two glasses?
You mean you're not immediately calculating how many more you can consume, where the next drink is coming from, and whether there's enough alcohol available to completely obliterate yourself?
Apparently, some people drink because they enjoy a drink.
Who knew?
That was never how I drank.
For me, drinking wasn't:
"This Cabernet has lovely notes of blackberry."
It was more:
“Excellent. How quickly can we make consciousness optional?”
That's one of the reasons I know I'm an alcoholic and why recovery remains important to me.
Someone else's responsible alcohol use doesn't automatically bother me. I know where I am with alcohol today.
Marijuana hits differently for me.
So I draw the boundary there.
Dating Is Also About Knowing What Doesn't Work
I've written a lot during The Hinge Experiment about wanting matches.
Then I finally cleaned out my matches because conversations weren't going anywhere.
Now I'm clicking through profiles looking for someone new.
But here's something important:
Getting a match isn't the goal.
Finding someone compatible is.
If I ignore something that's important to me just because someone is attractive or because my match queue currently resembles an abandoned shopping mall, what exactly am I accomplishing?
I could click the heart.
Maybe she clicks mine.
Maybe we start talking.
Maybe we like each other.
Then eventually I say:
“Oh, by the way, marijuana use is a boundary for me.”
And she says:
“Oh, by the way, I enjoy marijuana.”
Congratulations!
We've successfully discovered something the profile already told us.
That's not fair to either person.
The X is much easier.
It's Not Rejection of the Person
That's probably the biggest point.
I don't know these women.
For all I know, they're wonderful.
They may be smart, hilarious, compassionate, successful, and fantastic partners for someone.
I'm simply not that someone.
And that's okay.
Dating isn't about determining whether someone is a good or bad person.
It's determining whether two people might be good together.
There are things someone else might see on my profile and immediately think:
NOPE.
I have one leg.
I'm bald.
I'm in recovery.
I write publicly about my life.
I apparently have an imaginary iguana named Steve who has become a recurring character in my dating blog.
Take your pick.
Someone can hit X.
I'm going to survive.
So, Ladies, I Wish You Well
To these three women—and anyone else whose profile I pass because marijuana use is listed:
There is no judgment from me.
No lecture.
No attempt to change you.
No angry finger wagging from the other side of the Hinge algorithm.
Just a recognition that we probably aren't the right match.
I genuinely hope each of you finds your person.
Someone who appreciates your humor, your quirks, your interests, and whatever makes you uniquely you.
I'll keep looking for mine.
The Hinge Experiment continues.
The queue may still be empty, but I'm not going to abandon the things that matter to me just to fill it.
Besides...
Steve the Iguana has informed me that he's completely drug-free.
Finally, a viable candidate. 🦎
Another TikTok Car Deal: A $4,000 Scat Pack With $500 Down? Here We Go Again
Apparently TikTok has decided that one questionable car account wasn't enough for me.
After looking at an account advertising everything from inexpensive transportation to Porsches with tiny down payments, another account appeared in my feed.
This one calls itself “landmark75.”
At the time of my screenshot, the profile showed more than 1,200 followers and 4,700 likes and described itself as:
“Landmark Auto 🚗
Your Trusted Auto Dealer
DM for inquiries & bookings”
Then things get interesting.
The profile lists a Gmail address and says
“WhatsApp only”
The profile doesn't show a physical dealership address.
And the inventory?
Once again, apparently we're living in the magical land of extremely inexpensive automobiles.
🚗 Today's Special: A 2021 Dodge Charger Scat Pack for $4,000
One post advertises what it describes as a:
2021 Dodge Charger Scat Pack
45,000 miles
And across the top of the photograph:
“Asking for $4000
Down payment 500”
Wait.
$4,000?
For a 2021 Charger Scat Pack with 45,000 miles?
I thought the $500 down payment was supposed to be the unbelievable part.
This time it's the alleged asking price.
And this wasn't some obscure post nobody had seen. My screenshot showed more than 1,000 likes, along with dozens of comments and hundreds of saves.
💰 Let's Check Reality
A 2021 Dodge Charger Scat Pack wasn't inexpensive when new, and clean used examples haven't suddenly become $4,000 cars.
Current Kelley Blue Book values vary considerably by mileage, equipment, condition, and location, but a 2021 Charger Scat Pack remains worth many times the $4,000 advertised here.
Even before knowing the VIN, vehicle history, or exact condition, that's enough of a pricing discrepancy to make me stop.
Could a $4,000 Charger exist?
Sure.
Maybe it's wrecked.
Maybe it has a branded or salvage title.
Maybe it has catastrophic mechanical problems.
Maybe it's missing an engine.
Maybe there's some other legitimate explanation.
But none of those explanations appear in the TikTok post.
Instead, I'm seeing a shiny Scat Pack photographed on what appears to be a dealer or auction lot and an advertised price of:
$4,000
That's when I want documentation, not emojis.
🚩 And It's Not Just the Scat Pack
Then I looked at the rest of the profile.
One pinned post appears to advertise a BMW for:
Asking: $6,000
Down payment: $400
Another Charger:
Asking: $4,000
Down payment: $500
Another vehicle:
Asking: $6,000
Down payment: $700
Another:
Asking: $7,000
Down payment: $500
An Infiniti appears with:
Asking: $7,000
Down payment: $600
Farther down, there's another vehicle advertised at $17,999 with $999 down and $500 monthly payments.
It's the same pattern I've been seeing repeatedly.
Attractive vehicles.
Extremely attractive prices.
Tiny down payments.
And social media as the storefront.
🚩 But Look at the Charger Photo More Closely
Here's something else that caught my attention.
The Charger has multiple stickers on the windshield.
That makes the vehicle look more credible because we're clearly looking at an actual car.
But that's something I've been stressing throughout this series:
A real car doesn't automatically make the offer real.
A vehicle can exist without the person posting its photograph owning it.
A vehicle can sit on an auction lot without a TikTok account having authority to sell it.
A photograph can come from another dealership, auction, listing or social-media account.
I'm not saying that's necessarily what happened here.
I'm saying a photograph isn't proof of ownership.
Before I send someone $500, I'd want the VIN and I'd want to independently establish exactly who owns the vehicle and where it's physically located.
📱 “WhatsApp Only”
Then we get to one of the biggest things that would make me cautious.
The profile doesn't direct potential buyers to a recognizable dealership website or give a street address.
Instead:
DM for inquiries & bookings
and
WhatsApp only
WhatsApp itself isn't suspicious. Millions of legitimate businesses use it.
But if I'm supposedly purchasing a vehicle from an auto dealer, I want more than a social-media profile and messaging account.
I want:
The legal business name.
Physical dealership address.
Dealer license information.
VIN.
Title status.
Vehicle history.
Actual cash selling price.
Financing terms.
APR.
Length of loan.
Total of payments.
And I want to verify those things independently, not solely through information sent to me by the person asking for my money.
💵 $500 Down Doesn't Tell Me What the Car Costs
This is another distinction consumers need to understand.
A legitimate dealer absolutely can sell a $30,000 vehicle with only $500 down.
That doesn't mean the vehicle costs $500.
The remaining balance gets financed.
That's why a post screaming “ONLY $500 DOWN!” tells me very little without the rest of the transaction.
But this Charger post goes further.
It appears to say the asking price itself is $4,000.
If that's genuinely the total purchase price for a running, roadworthy 2021 Charger Scat Pack with 45,000 miles and a transferable title, I would want to understand exactly why it is being offered so dramatically below normal market value.
🚩 Followers Still Aren't Verified
We've seen this before.
This account has more than a thousand followers.
One of its videos has tens of thousands of views.
That creates social proof.
People think:
“Other people are following them.”
“The video has 36,000 views.”
“There are hundreds of likes.”
“The cars are real.”
Therefore:
“The seller must be legitimate.”
Those aren't the same thing.
A follower isn't a dealer license.
A like isn't a title.
A view isn't a VIN.
And 36,000 views don't turn a $4,000 Scat Pack into a normal market transaction.
🧮 The Numbers Have to Make Sense
This is where I keep returning to KBB and wholesale-market values.
A legitimate business generally needs to acquire inventory for less than it sells that inventory for.
That's the business model.
If the normal wholesale value of a vehicle is dramatically higher than the advertised retail price, I want to know how that transaction works economically.
Maybe there's a legitimate explanation.
Great.
Show me.
That's what due diligence is for.
I don't have the VIN or enough vehicle-specific information from this TikTok post to produce an exact Manheim Market Report value, and I'm not going to invent one.
MMR depends on factors including mileage, condition, trim, region and recent auction transactions.
But that's actually part of the problem.
The information necessary to properly evaluate these deals isn't prominently provided.
The extraordinary price is.
🏡 Don't Be Passive. Be a Good Neighbor.
Here's why I continue writing about these.
Imagine someone who needs a car desperately.
Their credit is damaged.
Their current car just died.
They have to get to work.
Traditional financing hasn't gone well.
Then TikTok serves them:
2021 CHARGER SCAT PACK
$4,000
$500 DOWN
That doesn't just look like a deal.
It can look like a solution to a serious problem.
Before someone you know sends $500 through an app because they're afraid another buyer will grab the car first, help them investigate.
Ask for the VIN.
Verify the VIN independently.
Find the physical dealership.
Verify its dealer license.
Call the dealership using a phone number you find independently.
Check the title.
Compare KBB retail value.
Compare wholesale value.
Ask for complete financing terms in writing.
And if somebody says you need to send money right now before you can do those things?
That answer tells you something too.
The Cars Keep Changing. The Formula Doesn't.
Over the past several posts, I've seen Toyotas, Hondas, BMWs, Audis, Camaros, Porsches and now Dodge Scat Packs advertised on social media with extraordinarily low prices or down payments.
Different accounts.
Different cars.
Different backgrounds.
But some remarkably familiar marketing:
Low price.
Tiny down payment.
DM me.
Quick approval.
Shipping available.
Send money.
I'm not sending $500 to find out what happens next.
I'll keep doing the free part:
Asking questions.
Because whether this particular offer has some explanation I can't see from the TikTok post or not, $4,000 for a 2021 Charger Scat Pack with 45,000 miles deserves a lot more than a swipe and a DM.
Follow along at NielFlamm.com/blog as I continue looking at questionable vehicle offers, suspicious emails, recruiting scams, and whatever the algorithm decides to throw at me next.
Six Months Abroad, Six Months Stateside—and Mom’s In
With all the personal adversity lately, spending six months in Southeast Asia and six months back in the States looks more appealing every day. A change of scenery won’t solve everything, but an ocean view certainly wouldn’t hurt.
A big thank you to David Foreman for sharing information about a friend who already lives this way. He’s spent time in various parts of Southeast Asia and enjoys his life there. David is also arranging an introduction to an expat with a business that helps people navigate the entire process. The idea is starting to feel a little more real.
Then I told my mother what I was thinking—and casually added, “Let’s move you there, too. We’ll survive the 30-hour flight, get a condo overlooking the ocean, and arrange a 24-hour caretaker.”
She’s for it.
Apparently, Mom didn’t need a PowerPoint presentation. Just an ocean view and a plan.
There’s still plenty to work out, especially healthcare and dialysis, but now I have another reason to keep exploring—and possibly a travel partner.
Keep it moving forward! 🌴