Mom Is Making Progress—and Apparently I’m Her Husband Now
This morning after dialysis, I went to visit Mom at the skilled nursing facility.
When I got to her room, she wasn't there.
That's actually a good thing.
She was doing rehab.
I was told that Mom is making progress, which was great to hear. She still needs someone blocking her left leg because it continues to buckle, but progress is progress.
After everything that's happened, I'll take it.
Eventually, Mom made her way back to the room.
And that's when today's visit took a turn I wasn't prepared for.
There's a New Roommate
Mom got a new roommate on Saturday.
Her previous roommate, Jenny, left last Monday. I don't know the name of the new roommate yet, but I do know that she broke her hip, had surgery, and is now there recovering.
The new roommate came into the room while I was there.
There was some banter.
I'm not particularly good at banter, but I participated.
She mentioned that she's also hard of hearing, so apparently Mom and her new roommate already have something in common.
Everything was going fine.
Normal conversation.
Normal skilled nursing facility visit.
And then she looked at us and asked a question:
“Is that your husband?”
Excuse me?
I'm sorry.
What?
GROSS!!!!
I believe there are moments in life when the human brain protects itself by temporarily refusing to process information.
This was one of those moments.
Of all the possible relationships she could have guessed...
Son?
Nephew?
Relative?
Friend?
Random bald guy who wandered into the wrong room after dialysis?
Nope.
Husband.
I guess...Good for Mom?
Once I recovered from the initial trauma, I had another thought.
I guess that's a compliment to Mom?
Maybe?
Apparently, she looks young enough to be my husband.
Good for her.
Unfortunately, that means the other half of the equation is that I apparently look old enough to be married to my mother.
Not good for me.
I'm choosing to focus on Mom's rehab progress instead.
She's working.
She's improving.
Her left leg still needs support, but she's moving in the right direction.
She has a new roommate.
And apparently, sometime between dialysis and walking into the skilled nursing facility, I aged several decades.
Anyway, I'll be back.
I need a few minutes to clean the vomit out of my mouth.
Then maybe I'll introduce myself properly to the new roommate.
“Hi. I'm Niel. Her SON.”
Let's make sure we've got that established early.
Day 112: Still Waiting
Day 112.
The request hasn't changed.
I'm still asking Nextdoor for the detailed Insights research that its own posts said was available.
I've emailed. I've followed up. I've expanded the audience. I've offered to talk by phone, video, or virtual coffee.
I've received a response, but it doesn't include the complete detailed reports I originally requested.
At this point, the answer doesn't need to be complicated:
Send the reports.
Tell me they're unavailable.
Explain any restrictions.
Or please let me know who can provide them.
Any one of those would end the countdown.
Nextdoor's own recent research emphasizes the importance of trust and communication.
I agree.
So let's communicate.
112 days. One unresolved request.
Maybe Day 113 will be the day.
I've been wrong 112 times so far. 😂
👉 NielFlamm.com/blog
Reggae, Ska & a Good Cause: Catch The Phensic at ServeHAITI’s Sip & Paint
If you love reggae and ska, add this to your calendar! The Phensic will headline the ServeHAITI Sip & Paint Fundraiser on Saturday, November 14, from 3–6 PM, at the Toby Katz Community Center in West Orange, New Jersey.
This one has a personal connection: my friend and fraternity brother told me he’ll be sharing a new Phensic track with me on October 8. I’m looking forward to hearing it—and sharing more when it arrives!
November’s fundraiser brings together music, painting, food, and drinks for an afternoon supporting ServeHAITI. Whether you come for the band, pick up a paintbrush, or bring friends along for the cause, there’s plenty to enjoy.
Admission includes painting, food, drinks, and music:
Adults: $85
Children ages 10–13: $45
Couple or two people: $150
Mark your calendar, bring your creativity, and join us for music and community in support of Haiti!
In What Universe Is a 2025 Maybach $10,000 With $500 Down?
Every so often, I come across something on social media that makes me stop scrolling, stare at the screen, and wonder whether I've somehow crossed into an alternate universe.
Today's contestant comes courtesy of TikTok.
The account is called “seize repossessed cars”, with the username @seize.repossessed.
Here is the video that caught my attention:
The video shows what is described as a 2025 Mercedes-Benz Maybach S680 V12.
The asking price?
$10,000.
The down payment?
$500.
I'm sorry.
In what universe is that possible?
Apparently Maybachs Are Affordable Now
We're talking about a Maybach S680—a car that costs well into six figures.
And I'm supposed to believe somebody has one available for $10,000?
Not $100,000.
$10,000.
And don't worry if I don't happen to have the entire $10,000 sitting between my couch cushions.
According to the video:
Down payment: $500.
Well, that's convenient.
Maybe Mercedes-Benz has been doing this luxury-car thing wrong all along.
What Is a 2025 Maybach S680 Actually Worth?
This is where the numbers make the TikTok offer even harder for me to comprehend.
According to Kelley Blue Book, the 2025 Mercedes-Maybach S680 4MATIC had an original MSRP of about $241,650. KBB currently estimates a Fair Purchase Price around $195,000, with trade-in/resale figures still deep into six figures.
Edmunds tells essentially the same story. Its appraisal estimates for the S680 put trade-in values roughly in the $148,000–$164,000 range, depending on condition, with dealer-retail estimates roughly $175,000–$195,000.
I can't tell you the true wholesale value of the specific car in the TikTok video without knowing its VIN, mileage, condition, accident history, and title status. But trade-in values at least give me a reasonable frame of reference for what a dealer might expect at the lower end of the market.
Then there's actual retail inventory.
Cars.com shows a used 2025 Maybach S680S with an average asking price around $234,000, with examples starting around the mid-$180,000s and climbing considerably higher depending on mileage and equipment.
I even found something that makes the $10,000 price look more ridiculous.
Copart has listed a damaged 2025 Maybach S680 for a salvage auction with an estimated retail value above $200,000.
Let me make sure I understand this.
A damaged Maybach headed toward a salvage auction can have an estimated retail value north of $200,000.
But the beautiful Maybach I'm looking at on TikTok is supposedly:
$10,000.
And I can apparently get things moving with:
$500 down.
Maybe I'm shopping for cars the wrong way.
Retail: $175,000–$234,000+. TikTok: $10,000.
Put the numbers side by side, and the difference becomes almost comical.
Depending on the valuation source, condition, and mileage, we're looking at roughly $150,000–$164,000 on the lower trade-in side, approximately $175,000–$195,000 in estimated dealer-retail values, and actual retail asking prices averaging around $234,000.
The TikTok price?
$10,000.
That's not somebody giving me 10% off.
That's not somebody giving me 25% off.
That's not even somebody having a really bad day at the dealership.
We're talking about a price that could be well over $100,000 below a reasonable wholesale/trade valuation and more than $200,000 below some retail asking prices.
At some point, “great deal” stops being my first thought.
My first thought becomes:
What exactly am I buying for $10,000?
“But Niel, It's Repossessed!”
The TikTok account calls itself “seize repossessed cars.”
I understand what repossession means.
Banks repossess vehicles. Vehicles go to auction. Some sell below retail value. Deals absolutely exist.
But there's a difference between getting a deal and apparently finding a quarter-million-dollar luxury sedan priced like a 15-year-old used car.
And the Maybach isn't the only bargain advertised on this profile.
In the screenshot I captured, I could see a Lexus advertised for $15,000, a Mercedes G-Class for $25,000, a Ford Bronco for $6,000, and other late-model SUVs around $9,000.
Many also have remarkably small advertised down payments.
That immediately makes me wonder:
Is the car really the product—or is getting the down payment the objective?
Then I Saw WhatsApp
The profile says:
“Cheap cars for sale shipping worldwide 💯”
It lists a phone number.
It also lists a WhatsApp number and provides a direct WhatsApp link.
To be clear, WhatsApp itself isn't inherently suspicious. Millions of legitimate people and businesses use WhatsApp every day.
But combine these ingredients:
TikTok + $200,000-ish Maybach + $10,000 asking price + $500 down + worldwide shipping + WhatsApp
...and I'm going to have a few questions before reaching for my wallet.
Actually, I'm going to have a lot of questions.
The $500 Is the Part That Really Interests Me
Forget the $10,000 asking price for a moment.
Think about the $500 down payment.
If somebody asked me to send $10,000 to a stranger I encountered through TikTok, my answer would be pretty easy.
No.
But $500?
That's different psychologically.
Someone might think:
It's only $500.
What if it's legitimate?
What if someone else buys the Maybach before I do?
I don't want to lose this opportunity.
Suddenly, sending $500 might feel like a reasonable gamble for the chance to buy a vehicle potentially worth somewhere around $200,000.
And that's precisely why I wouldn't send it.
What Happens If My $500 Disappears?
I want to make an important distinction here.
I am not saying this particular TikTok account takes deposits and disappears.
I haven't purchased anything from them.
I haven't contacted them.
I haven't sent them money.
I don't know what would happen if I tried to buy this Maybach.
But I know what risk I'd be considering.
Imagine I contact someone through TikTok.
The conversation moves to WhatsApp.
I'm told that $500 will hold the vehicle.
I send $500.
Then...
Nothing.
No Maybach.
No delivery.
No refund.
The messages slow down.
The phone isn't answered.
The WhatsApp account stops responding.
Maybe I'm blocked.
Maybe the social-media account disappears.
And suddenly my imaginary $10,000 Maybach and my very real $500 have something in common:
They've both disappeared.
That's the scenario I'd want to protect myself against.
Or Maybe $500 Is Just the Beginning
There's another possibility I'd consider before sending money.
Maybe the initial $500 isn't the end.
Perhaps next comes a shipping charge.
Then insurance.
Then documentation.
Then a title fee.
Then taxes.
Then an auction-release fee.
Then there's an unexpected problem getting the vehicle transported, and you need another payment.
Again, I'm not saying this particular account does any of those things.
I'm explaining why I would never let the excitement of a ridiculously cheap luxury vehicle convince me to send a deposit before independently verifying everything.
WhatsApp Doesn't Make a $200,000 Maybach Cost $10,000
Before I handed over one dollar, I'd want to know exactly what I'm buying.
I'd want the VIN and to check it independently.
I'd verify the title.
I'd verify the vehicle's history.
I'd confirm legal ownership.
I'd confirm that the person offering it actually has the authority to sell it.
I'd verify the vehicle's physical location.
I'd want to see it myself or have an independent professional inspect it.
If it's truly a repossession, I'd want to understand who repossessed it, how it was acquired, and how the title is being transferred.
Most importantly, I wouldn't let the seller provide all the evidence I'm using to verify the seller.
If someone sends me a website, a title, an inspection, a shipping company, and a payment method, and all of those things ultimately trace back to the same person asking me for $500, I haven't independently verified much of anything.
Maybe I'm Missing the Deal of the Century
Could there be some explanation for this?
Sure.
Maybe there's something about the vehicle that isn't apparent in the video.
Maybe some terms aren't shown.
Maybe the $10,000 doesn't represent what I think it represents.
Maybe I've stumbled across the greatest automotive bargain in America.
Maybe tomorrow I'll find a Lamborghini for $7,500 with $250 down.
At this rate, by Friday somebody will offer me a Bugatti in exchange for a $50 Amazon gift card and three Wendy's Frosty coupons.
I'll take my chances.
Because when I see:
2025 Mercedes-Benz Maybach S680 V12
Typical six-figure market value
Asking price: $10,000
Down payment: $500
Contact through WhatsApp
my first thought isn't:
“Where do I send the money?”
It's:
In What Universe Is That Possible?
Until I can independently prove the car exists, verify its VIN and title, determine who owns it, confirm the person offering it has the legal authority to sell it, and independently verify how my money is being handled, my $500 isn't going anywhere.
Losing the deal of the century would be disappointing.
Sending $500 and watching both the money and the Maybach disappear would be considerably worse.
If you've encountered an unbelievable vehicle listing, suspicious seller or social-media deal that made you stop scrolling and ask, “How is this possible?”, send it to me at niel@nielflamm.com.
First, remove any sensitive personal or financial information.
I'm always curious to see which universe the algorithm sends me into next.
The Hinge Experiment: My Eyebrows Are Now Part of the Story
I'm older than most people wandering around the dating-app wilderness, and saying I don't have much recent dating experience would be an understatement.
Actually, forget recent.
I don't have much dating experience, period.
My last first date was about five months ago.
For anyone new to the blog, that one didn't exactly end with a mug and talk of a Boo Basket.
She tried to shake me down.
First, it was rent money.
Then came the phone bill.
Luckily, I escaped after paying for a meal, a few hurricanes, and maybe $60 cash that I had on me.
Considering how that evening was headed, I consider myself lucky.
So now that I've had an actual enjoyable first date with Airica, I've encountered an entirely new problem:
What the hell am I supposed to do next?
Is There Still a Three-Day Rule?
Do I wait three days?
Four days?
Do I call?
Text?
Send a carrier pigeon?
Do I conjure up a magical genie and ask it to grant me three wishes, with one of them being:
"Please don't let me screw this up."
I don't know the rules.
The last time I had a first date, I was apparently supposed to bring enough cash to cover someone's monthly expenses.
This feels different.
Thankfully, Airica may have answered the question for me.
Good Morning
Today is a dialysis day.
That means my alarm goes off around 4:15 in the morning so I can start getting myself together and make my 5:50 dialysis start.
Once I'm hooked up, I usually try to sleep.
It makes the time go faster.
But this morning, I got a more-than-pleasant surprise.
A "Good morning" text from Airica.
WAIT.
WHAT?
I don't have to wait three days?
I don't need the genie?
I don't need to analyze the date like the Zapruder film?
Apparently, people who enjoy talking to each other can just…
continue talking to each other.
What a concept.
I was so pleasantly surprised that my dialysis needles almost came shooting out.
For the record, that would have significantly changed the tone of this blog post.
But I Had a Question
On my drive to dialysis this morning, I started thinking about something Airica said during our date.
I had asked her why she swiped on me.
Her answer?
Apparently, I had an "interesting look."
Interesting.
I've been thinking about that one.
Is "interesting look" another way of saying:
"You're not ugly, but I'm also not prepared to call you conventionally handsome"?
At this stage of my life, interesting works.
I've got one leg, no hair, questionable eyesight, kidneys that have outsourced their responsibilities to a machine three days a week, and now apparently an interesting face.
Put that on Hinge.
Then She Mentioned the Eyebrows
Airica also pointed out my eyebrows yesterday.
Specifically…
how bushy they are.
Excuse me?
My eyebrows?
Bushy?
No way.
All right.
Maybe a little.
Actually, this isn't the first time I've heard this.
It's becoming something of a recurring theme.
Most Tuesdays and Fridays during the fraternity Zoom hangout, I can count on someone to remind me that my eyebrows have apparently declared independence from the rest of my face.
Then there's a guy at one of my recovery meetings who calls me:
Ming the Merciless.
If you're not familiar with Ming, look him up.
Look at the eyebrows.
Apparently, you'll understand.
And now Airica has joined the Eyebrow Oversight Committee.
At some point, when multiple independent organizations reach the same conclusion, I suppose I have to consider the possibility that there might actually be a problem.
They're Large and in Charge
I told Airica this isn't the first time I've heard about them.
These eyebrows are large and in charge.
It's actually a little unfair.
My head decided years ago that growing hair was no longer part of the strategic plan.
Meanwhile, my eyebrows apparently looked at the newly available resources and said:
"We'll take it from here."
All the hair production has been consolidated into two small strips directly above my eyes.
Efficiency.
Maybe this is why Airica thought I had an "interesting look."
She didn't swipe on me.
The eyebrows matched hers.
I'm just their transportation.
Do I Need Threading?
Now I'm starting to wonder whether I need to try one of those eyebrow-threading places.
I've seen them.
Someone takes a piece of thread and somehow uses it to rip hair out of your face.
This sounds exactly like the type of activity a man with my medical history should voluntarily add to his schedule.
Dialysis Monday.
Eyebrow torture Tuesday.
Dialysis Wednesday.
Recover from eyebrows Thursday.
Dialysis Friday.
Dating Saturday.
Seems reasonable.
The problem is that I know myself.
I'll walk in and say:
"Just clean them up a little."
Then I'll open my eyes and discover that I've gone from Ming the Merciless to Whoopi Goldberg.
No eyebrows.
Nothing.
Just forehead transitioning directly into eyeballs.
So, About That Follow-Up...
I guess I don't have to figure out whether I should wait three days.
Airica texted me.
She said good morning.
We survived the first date.
She survived my driving.
She survived my near fall at The Grand.
She survived four hours with me.
She made it home with all of her organs.
And the next morning, she still wanted to say hello.
I'll take that as a positive sign.
Does that mean there's going to be a second date?
I still don't know.
I'm new at this.
Maybe I still have to audition.
Maybe I'm waiting for the callback.
But compared with where The Hinge Experiment was a few weeks ago—zero matches, zero conversations, and Steve the Iguana preparing to become my permanent companion—I'd say we're making progress.
And if there is a second date, I may arrive with slightly more aerodynamic eyebrows.
Or I may leave them exactly as they are.
After all…
She swiped right on the eyebrows she saw.
No sense engaging in false advertising now.
But if the next picture you see of me has absolutely no eyebrows whatsoever, you'll know what happened.
Airica started it.