The Hinge Experiment: Please Do Not Touch Those Eyebrows

Today was one of those days when I feel like I need a vacation from my day.

It started with an eye appointment.

The good news: the retina is still attached.

That seems like a pretty good way to start a Tuesday.

I go back in a month for another check. The purpose of that visit is to make sure I haven't developed macular edema, specifically DME. If everything still looks good, I'll move to appointments every three months to make sure I don't eventually need one of those delightful shots directly into my eyeball.

Because apparently normal people get eye exams.

I get eye exams where the doctor is checking whether my retina is still where it belongs and whether we're going to have to inject something into my eye.

Dating after 50 is exciting.

Then Recovery

After the eye appointment, I went to a recovery meeting for an hour.

Airica knows I'm in recovery.

There's no reason to hide it, and frankly, I'm not interested in hiding it.

It's part of my life.

Just like dialysis.

Just like the prosthetic.

Just like the eyes.

Just like the eyebrows.

Apparently, the eyebrows may actually be the most important part of this story.

We'll get to that.

Then Off to the Vascular Surgeon

After the meeting, I headed over to Novant to have my fistula graft checked.

The good news continued.

Everything looks good.

I don't have to go back for four months.

I'll take that.

So far today:

Retina attached.

Fistula graft good.

Recovery meeting completed.

Eyebrows apparently still under consideration.

Then It Was Time for Mom

I stopped at Come Back Shack and picked up lunch.

For me:

Fried chicken salad with ranch.

For Mom:

Hawaiian chicken salad with fries.

I got to the skilled nursing facility and found Mom asleep.

Instead of waking her up, I left her food on the rolling tray next to her bed.

By then, lunch had apparently become dinner.

I sat in the lobby, ate my salad, and checked movie times.

Why?

Because apparently there is a new Tom Cruise movie called Digger.

Review coming.

Yes, I am aware that my life has somehow become a combination of dialysis, medical appointments, recovery, assisted living research, dating, and Tom Cruise movie reviews.

I'm leaning into it.

And Then My Phone Buzzed

Somewhere in the middle of all of this, I heard from Airica.

And one of her first messages was:

"Please do not touch those eyebrows."

Ladies and gentlemen...

We have confirmation.

For those of you wondering whether Airica actually likes the Ming the Merciless look...

She does.

I have proof.

Apparently, these eyebrows aren't a problem.

They're a feature.

The threading appointment is canceled.

My eyebrows live to fight another day.

The Conversation Continues

Airica and I had another awesome conversation.

We talked about having a wish.

Then somehow that conversation turned into Amazon Prime Day.

Then Christmas lists.

Then Sono Bello.

Apparently, I need to lose about 20 pounds.

This is becoming an aggressive dating strategy.

First:

"Don't touch your eyebrows."

At least she's keeping me on my toes.

Then We Went Everywhere

We talked about the songs I listened to while driving around Mount Pleasant.

We talked about me going to a recovery meeting.

She knows I'm in recovery, so there isn't any reason for me to pretend otherwise.

We talked about my salad.

I even sent her a completely respectable picture of it.

Not a nasty selfie.

A salad selfie.

Apparently, there are levels to dating after 50.

I'm choosing to believe this is one of them.

Then somehow the conversation moved to pizza.

And tiramisu.

Apparently there's some saying involving "Not the tiramisu?"

My 54-year-old brain did not comprehend the reference.

It went straight over my head.

Apparently there are cultural references I missed while I was busy doing whatever the hell I was doing for the last 30 years.

I'll have to investigate.

The Important Part

For those keeping score at home:

The conversation is still awesome.

And we're making plans to hang out this weekend.

Together.

Not hanging out with each other, which would be a fairly ridiculous definition of a date.

That's another thing I like about this.

We're not spending all day trying to figure out whether the other person is interested.

We're actually talking.

We're making plans.

We're learning things about each other.

And I'm not sitting around staring at Hinge wondering why my match disappeared into the digital abyss.

This is different.

Tuesday and Friday Have One Problem

I did let Airica know that Tuesday and Friday nights are already spoken for.

Those nights belong to my fraternity brothers and our Zoom hangout.

And without fail, I get grilled about the date.

How did it go?

What did you talk about?

Are you going to see her again?

What happened?

Basically, it's like having a Greek chorus of nosy brothers who have collectively decided that my dating life is their new favorite television show.

Now they have even more material.

Because there was a first date.

There was a mug.

There's a second-date possibility.

There are weekend plans.

And apparently, the eyebrows have received official approval.

I'm sure Tuesday's Zoom will be completely normal.

Absolutely no one will ask me about Airica.

Sure.

And I'm the guy who almost fell into a booth on his first date.

The Hinge Experiment Update

A few weeks ago, I was wondering if it was time to delete Hinge.

I had no matches.

No conversations.

No dates.

Steve the Iguana was practically packing my bags.

Now?

I've had an actual first date.

It went well.

I'm still talking to her.

We're making plans for the weekend.

She sends me good morning texts.

She likes my eyebrows.

And somehow, I'm okay with all of this.

For once, The Hinge Experiment doesn't feel like an experiment.

It feels like I'm just getting to know someone.

And that's probably the best part.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a retina to keep attached, a fistula graft to maintain, a movie to review, a mother to visit, fraternity brothers to answer to...

And 54-year-old dating decisions to make.

Oh, and apparently I'm keeping the eyebrows.

Airica has spoken.

The Invite: Dinner, Drinks and a Very Different Kind of Party

What happens when you take two couples, put them together for dinner, add some wine, and give them VERY different ideas about relationships?

That's basically where The Invite starts.

Joe and Angela, played by Seth Rogen and Olivia Wilde, are in a comfortable relationship.

Maybe a little TOO comfortable.

Then there's Pina and Hawk, played by Penélope Cruz and Edward Norton.

They're newer, more adventurous, and definitely more willing to explore their relationship.

And Pina happens to be a sex therapist.

Yeah...

You can probably see where this is going.

Or can you?

I actually really enjoyed the chemistry between Rogen and Wilde. Their banter feels natural, and Olivia Wilde—who also directed the movie—knows when to let Seth be Seth and when to take control of a scene.

Then you have Cruz and Norton bringing an entirely different energy to the table.

Literally.

Because once these four people get together...

Dinner gets interesting.

I had a pretty good idea where the movie was going.

But there were enough twists, uncomfortable moments, and relationship questions to keep me watching.

And that's what I get into in my full review.

Is The Invite worth watching?

Is it funny?

Is it uncomfortable?

And what happens when one couple's idea of a healthy relationship is VERY different from another couple's?

I'm not giving all of that away here.

You'll have to watch the video.

🎬 Watch my full The Invite review:

NielFlamm.com/videos/moviereviews

And trust me...

This is one dinner party where “Just bring a bottle of wine” probably won’t cut it.

Mom Is Making Progress—and Apparently I’m Her Husband Now

This morning after dialysis, I went to visit Mom at the skilled nursing facility.

When I got to her room, she wasn't there.

That's actually a good thing.

She was doing rehab.

I was told that Mom is making progress, which was great to hear. She still needs someone blocking her left leg because it continues to buckle, but progress is progress.

After everything that's happened, I'll take it.

Eventually, Mom made her way back to the room.

And that's when today's visit took a turn I wasn't prepared for.

There's a New Roommate

Mom got a new roommate on Saturday.

Her previous roommate, Jenny, left last Monday. I don't know the name of the new roommate yet, but I do know that she broke her hip, had surgery, and is now there recovering.

The new roommate came into the room while I was there.

There was some banter.

I'm not particularly good at banter, but I participated.

She mentioned that she's also hard of hearing, so apparently Mom and her new roommate already have something in common.

Everything was going fine.

Normal conversation.

Normal skilled nursing facility visit.

And then she looked at us and asked a question:

“Is that your husband?”

Excuse me?

I'm sorry.

What?

GROSS!!!!

I believe there are moments in life when the human brain protects itself by temporarily refusing to process information.

This was one of those moments.

Of all the possible relationships she could have guessed...

Son?

Nephew?

Relative?

Friend?

Random bald guy who wandered into the wrong room after dialysis?

Nope.

Husband.

I guess...Good for Mom?

Once I recovered from the initial trauma, I had another thought.

I guess that's a compliment to Mom?

Maybe?

Apparently, she looks young enough to be my husband.

Good for her.

Unfortunately, that means the other half of the equation is that I apparently look old enough to be married to my mother.

Not good for me.

I'm choosing to focus on Mom's rehab progress instead.

She's working.

She's improving.

Her left leg still needs support, but she's moving in the right direction.

She has a new roommate.

And apparently, sometime between dialysis and walking into the skilled nursing facility, I aged several decades.

Anyway, I'll be back.

I need a few minutes to clean the vomit out of my mouth.

Then maybe I'll introduce myself properly to the new roommate.

“Hi. I'm Niel. Her SON.”

Let's make sure we've got that established early.

Day 112: Still Waiting

Day 112.

The request hasn't changed.

I'm still asking Nextdoor for the detailed Insights research that its own posts said was available.

I've emailed. I've followed up. I've expanded the audience. I've offered to talk by phone, video, or virtual coffee.

I've received a response, but it doesn't include the complete detailed reports I originally requested.

At this point, the answer doesn't need to be complicated:

Send the reports.
Tell me they're unavailable.
Explain any restrictions.
Or please let me know who can provide them.

Any one of those would end the countdown.

Nextdoor's own recent research emphasizes the importance of trust and communication.

I agree.

So let's communicate.

112 days. One unresolved request.

Maybe Day 113 will be the day.

I've been wrong 112 times so far. 😂

👉 NielFlamm.com/blog

Reggae, Ska & a Good Cause: Catch The Phensic at ServeHAITI’s Sip & Paint

If you love reggae and ska, add this to your calendar! The Phensic will headline the ServeHAITI Sip & Paint Fundraiser on Saturday, November 14, from 3–6 PM, at the Toby Katz Community Center in West Orange, New Jersey.

This one has a personal connection: my friend and fraternity brother told me he’ll be sharing a new Phensic track with me on October 8. I’m looking forward to hearing it—and sharing more when it arrives!

November’s fundraiser brings together music, painting, food, and drinks for an afternoon supporting ServeHAITI. Whether you come for the band, pick up a paintbrush, or bring friends along for the cause, there’s plenty to enjoy.

Admission includes painting, food, drinks, and music:

• Adults: $85

• Children ages 10–13: $45

• Couple or two people: $150

Mark your calendar, bring your creativity, and join us for music and community in support of Haiti!