I Thought I'd Seen Every Violent Sport... Then I Discovered CarJitsu

There was a time when I thought I had seen every possible way humans could legally beat each other up for entertainment.

I was wrong.

Let's take a trip down memory lane.

🥊 Boxing – The Original "Hold My Beer"

Boxing has been around for centuries. Two people climb into a ring, politely touch gloves, and then spend the next twelve rounds trying to rearrange each other's facial features.

Someone once looked at getting punched in the head repeatedly and said, "You know what would make this better? Let's sell tickets."

Millions still tune in, and somehow every heavyweight champion eventually promises they're "bringing boxing back."

🤼 Professional Wrestling – Where Logic Goes to Die

Professional wrestling wasn't just a sport growing up—it was Saturday morning religion.

Back in the days of Mean Gene Okerlund holding the microphone while trying to keep a straight face, the Junkyard Dog dancing to the ring, "Rowdy" Roddy Piper talking trash to anyone with ears, and Hulk Hogan reminding us to say our prayers and eat our vitamins, life was simple.

The villains cheated.

The heroes flexed.

Someone got hit with a folding chair.

The referee somehow missed everything.

Fast forward to today and there are fireworks, cinematic entrances, drones, LED floors, and enough pyrotechnics to invade a small country. The storylines somehow make even less sense than they did in the 1980s, and yet I still stop channel surfing when I hear someone yell, "OH MY GAWD!"

🦵 Kickboxing – The Cool Cousin

Kickboxing exploded in popularity during the 1980s and 1990s thanks to martial arts movies and action heroes that somehow defeated twenty bad guys without getting a scratch.

It combined punches and kicks into one package and made everyone believe they could become Jean-Claude Van Damme after taking six classes at the local strip mall dojo.

Reality usually involved sore hamstrings and a pulled groin.

🥋 MMA – "What If We Didn't Have Rules?"

Mixed Martial Arts started with one simple question:

"What happens if we throw every fighting style into a cage and lock the door?"

The early days looked like someone accidentally scheduled a karate class against a sumo wrestler and forgot to tell security.

Today it's a worldwide phenomenon with elite athletes who train year-round and make things that should be impossible somehow look routine.

It's also the only sport where hearing someone say, "He only got choked unconscious once," is somehow considered encouraging.

👋 Power Slap – Humanity Has Officially Run Out of Ideas

Then came Power Slap.

Apparently someone watched people slap each other in a bar and thought, "This deserves a television contract."

The rules are simple:

Stand there.

Don't move.

Get slapped by another grown adult with the force of a pickup truck hitting a mailbox.

Then try not to fall into next Tuesday.

I'm convinced doctors watch this with both hands covering their faces.

🚗 CarJitsu – Now I've Officially Seen Everything

Then, while doom scrolling through social media, I stumbled onto something called CarJitsu.

At first I thought it was a parody.

It wasn't.

It's literally Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu...

inside a car.

Two competitors climb into a compact vehicle and proceed to grapple, twist, choke, and fold themselves into positions that would make a chiropractor retire on the spot.

The steering wheel becomes a weapon.

The seatbelt becomes strategy.

The headrest somehow becomes defense.

I watched one clip.

Then another.

Then another.

Because I couldn't believe this was an actual thing.

Somewhere, a guy pitched this idea and another person replied, "Brilliant! Let's film it."

What's next?

Competitive Fighting in an Elevator?

Ultimate Thumb Wrestling?

Extreme Musical Chairs?

If history has taught us anything, someone is already working on it.

The internet remains undefeated at finding new ways for humans to ask, "What if we did this... but dumber?"

And apparently I'll keep watching every ridiculous second of it.