The Lotto Dudes Strike Again... Kind of 😂💰

The Lotto Dudes have completed another thrilling round of highly sophisticated investing.


The results?


We turned a $100 buy-in into...

🥁🥁🥁



$40.

That's a 60% return... in the wrong direction.


Or, if you prefer investment jargon, we posted a -60% ROI.


Warren Buffett has yet to return my calls.


The good news?


The jackpots continue to climb.


🎟️ Mega Millions (Tuesday): $800 million
🎟️ Powerball (Saturday): $600 million


That's $1.4 BILLION waiting for someone to claim it.


Now, a question for my Las Vegas friends...


Is the Lotto Store in Primm still open?


Back when I lived there, I found it much easier to skip the crowds and drive US-95 south to the first lottery stop in Arizona. It was about 20 miles farther than Primm, but during the huge jackpots, it was worth it. The line at Primm could easily stretch to an hour to buy a ticket.


Sometimes driving a little farther meant spending a lot less time standing around wondering what you'd do with a billion dollars.


As for me?


I'm still planning the beach house, the sports car, and whatever ridiculous idea pops into my head next.


One of these drawings has to go our way...


Right?


Leave a comment and let me know:


If you had to drive out of state to buy a lottery ticket, would you wait in line or take the longer drive to avoid the crowd?


Join the discussion on NielFlamm.com/blog.


#Powerball #MegaMillions #Lottery #LotteryPool #LottoDudes #LasVegas #Primm #Arizona #ROI #Humor #DreamBig #internetgarbage

My Billion-Dollar Career Is Delayed... Again 💸😂

Well...

I checked my personal Powerball and Mega Millions tickets.

The results were exactly what you'd expect.

I did not become an instant billionaire.

I'm still checking the lottery pool tickets, so there's a microscopic glimmer of hope. Somewhere between "highly unlikely" and "did I miss a number?"

The jackpots continue to climb:

🎟️ Powerball: $544 million (Monday)
🎟️ Mega Millions: $707 million (Tuesday)

That's a combined $1.251 billion waiting for someone.

I've already shared some of the practical things I'd do if I won. But after taking care of my family, helping my community, and making sure my friends were doing well, I'd have to spend a little on nonsense.

Here are three new ideas:

1. Hire a Professional Excuse Writer

Running late? Flat tire? Alien abduction? My personal excuse writer would have a believable explanation ready in under 30 seconds.

2. Open the World's First Museum of Lost TV Remotes

Every remote you've ever lost somehow ends up there. Admission is free, but finding the exit remote costs extra.

3. Start a Competitive Lawn Flamingo League

Teams would draft the finest pink plastic flamingos, complete with instant replay, referees, and commentators, treating every lawn decoration like the Super Bowl.

Completely ridiculous?

Absolutely.

That's part of the fun.

Now it's your turn...

If you won $1.251 billion, what's the first ridiculous thing you'd do?

Leave a comment on the blog. I can't wait to see your ideas—and who knows, maybe one of us will actually need them one day.

Join the discussion on NielFlamm.com.

We Won the Lottery! (Sort Of...) 😂💸

Guess who didn't win the Mega Millions?

Me.

You.

And apparently everyone else.

The jackpot has now climbed to $707 million for Monday's drawing. Meanwhile, Powerball is $526 million tonight.

That puts a staggering $1.23 billion on the table. That's enough money to make a calculator ask for a coffee break.

I didn't win personally, but I did organize a lottery pool with 11 of my Tau Epsilon Phi fraternity brothers.

And...

We won $70!

After dividing it up, everyone would receive a whopping $6.36.

If the payout is less than $1 per person, that’s the “Niel Tax”; it barely counts. In this case, I declared the investment... less than inspiring.

Rather than pocketing our $6.36 each, the majority of the pool voted to let it ride. We rolled the winnings into 35 more Powerball tickets for tonight's drawing.

Clearly, we've chosen optimism over financial responsibility.

So naturally, I started brainstorming what we could have done with our newfound fortune.

Option 1: Relive Our College Days

Buy 28 bottles of Country Club Malt Liquor (about $2.50 each back in Harlem).

That's roughly 2½ bottles per brother.

I don't drink anymore so that someone can have my share. The other ten can spend the next morning comparing ibuprofen brands, arguing over whose knees hurt the most, and wondering why they thought drinking malt liquor in their 50s was a good idea. The hangover would probably last longer than our college careers. 🍻😂

Option 2: Invest in the Future

Head to Costco and buy three giant packs of Kirkland 2-Ply, 30-roll, 380-sheet toilet paper.

With all the news about a diarrheal parasite affecting more than 30 states, this may actually be the smartest investment on the list. Future us might look back and call this the greatest financial decision we ever made.

Option 3: Think of the Kids

Put the money toward our annual Winter Holiday Celebration, Christmanukwanza Party.

More cookies for the kids.

And let's be honest...

...a lot more cookies for the adults, too.

Instead, we bought 35 more chances to become instant billionaires.

Sure, we didn't become billionaires this week.

But for a few minutes, we got to dream about it together—and that's part of the fun.

Now excuse me while I check my tickets one more time... just in case I accidentally overlooked a billion dollars.

My Future Ex-Wife Is Going to Be So Proud 💰😂

The lottery refuses to cooperate with my retirement plans.


So here we are again.


🎟️ Mega Millions: $672 million (Friday)
🎟️ Powerball: $526 million (Saturday)


That’s nearly $1.2 BILLION just sitting there, waiting for someone to claim it.


I’ve been thinking about what I’d do if I won.


Sure, I’d take care of my family.


I’d help the communities and causes that have been important to me.


I’d make sure my friends were doing okay. (If we haven’t spoken since MySpace, this is probably a bad time to reconnect.)


But after the responsible stuff…


Things could get a little weird.


I’d found the world’s most exclusive underground fraternity: Omega Cucumber Omega (Ω🥒Ω).


The initiation? Standing in a circle while everyone gets pelted with cucumbers. Why cucumbers? Because billionaires don’t have to explain themselves.


Our official motto?


“Making poor financial decisions so you don’t have to.”


Annual dues would be exactly $1, because we’re not in it for the money.


There would be a Board of Directors whose only responsibility is debating whether Tuesdays should officially become “Wear Hawaiian Shirts While Grocery Shopping Day.”


I’d sponsor a competitive professional nap league.


I’d hire someone whose full-time job is reminding me where I left my phone.


I’d create a scholarship for people who have never said, “Reply all.”


I’d buy a beach house.


I’d buy a sweet ride.


And yes… somewhere in there I’d probably meet my future ex-wife. At least we’d have a beautiful view during the divorce negotiations.


Will any of this happen?


Probably not.


Will I spend a few bucks dreaming about it?


Absolutely.


Sometimes the ticket isn’t about the jackpot. It’s about spending a couple of days imagining a life where your biggest problem is deciding whether your pet llama should have its own swimming pool.


Good luck this weekend!


And if you win because this blog reminded you to buy a ticket… remember who believed in you before you were rich.

Guess Who Didn't Win Mega Millions? 😂💰

Me.

And... unless you're reading this from your private island, probably you too.

How do I know?

Because nobody won the Mega Millions jackpot, it has now climbed to $672 million.

That means tonight's Powerball jackpot of $498 million pushes the combined jackpots to shy of $1.2 BILLION.

I’m seeing a lot of commas.

And for just $2, you can buy a Powerball ticket and spend the next 24 hours mentally redesigning your life.

I've already got a rough plan.

I'd take care of my family.

I'd invest in the communities and causes that mean something to me.

I'd help out my friends. (If you aren't one now... applications after the drawing will not be accepted. 😄)

Then I'd pick up a sweet ride, buy a home on the beach, and maybe even find a future ex-wife to enjoy it all with.

Hey, at least I'm planning.

Will I win?

The odds say no.

Will I spend two bucks to dream for a day?

Absolutely.

Sometimes $2 isn't about buying a lottery ticket. It's about buying permission to imagine what's possible.

Good luck tonight—and if one of us wins, remember who reminded you.