We Won the Lottery! (Sort Of...) 😂💸

Guess who didn't win the Mega Millions?

Me.

You.

And apparently everyone else.

The jackpot has now climbed to $707 million for Monday's drawing. Meanwhile, Powerball is $526 million tonight.

That puts a staggering $1.23 billion on the table. That's enough money to make a calculator ask for a coffee break.

I didn't win personally, but I did organize a lottery pool with 11 of my Tau Epsilon Phi fraternity brothers.

And...

We won $70!

After dividing it up, everyone would receive a whopping $6.36.

If the payout is less than $1 per person, that’s the “Niel Tax”; it barely counts. In this case, I declared the investment... less than inspiring.

Rather than pocketing our $6.36 each, the majority of the pool voted to let it ride. We rolled the winnings into 35 more Powerball tickets for tonight's drawing.

Clearly, we've chosen optimism over financial responsibility.

So naturally, I started brainstorming what we could have done with our newfound fortune.

Option 1: Relive Our College Days

Buy 28 bottles of Country Club Malt Liquor (about $2.50 each back in Harlem).

That's roughly 2½ bottles per brother.

I don't drink anymore so that someone can have my share. The other ten can spend the next morning comparing ibuprofen brands, arguing over whose knees hurt the most, and wondering why they thought drinking malt liquor in their 50s was a good idea. The hangover would probably last longer than our college careers. 🍻😂

Option 2: Invest in the Future

Head to Costco and buy three giant packs of Kirkland 2-Ply, 30-roll, 380-sheet toilet paper.

With all the news about a diarrheal parasite affecting more than 30 states, this may actually be the smartest investment on the list. Future us might look back and call this the greatest financial decision we ever made.

Option 3: Think of the Kids

Put the money toward our annual Winter Holiday Celebration, Christmanukwanza Party.

More cookies for the kids.

And let's be honest...

...a lot more cookies for the adults, too.

Instead, we bought 35 more chances to become instant billionaires.

Sure, we didn't become billionaires this week.

But for a few minutes, we got to dream about it together—and that's part of the fun.

Now excuse me while I check my tickets one more time... just in case I accidentally overlooked a billion dollars.