Sometimes, after weeks or even months of frustration, disagreements, and conversations that seem to go nowhere, I finally get a little progress.
I'm not ready to declare victory, throw confetti, or announce that everyone is suddenly getting along. But we've reached a resolution, at least for the time being, regarding Mom's finances and her next chapter.
And that's something.
A Text Message on the Drive Home
While returning from my Cozumel cruise, I received a text message from my father.
He wanted to know where I'd been. Apparently, I also had some packages waiting for me at the house.
That started a conversation.
I was driving from Columbia, South Carolina, back to Mount Pleasant and using Android Auto to manage the text conversation. As sometimes happens, a simple exchange about packages turned into something considerably more important.
We started talking about Mom.
Specifically, what comes next with her move into an assisted living facility.
If you've been following along with my blog, you know this hasn't exactly been a smooth process.
There have been disagreements, frustration, questions about finances, conversations about Power of Attorney, and my father's reluctance to provide information about Mom's employer 401(k).
I've written about the challenges of visiting Mom in skilled nursing, touring assisted living facilities, and trying to balance her needs with the financial realities of making a move.
If you're just joining the story, you have some reading to do!
But this conversation was different.
We actually made some progress.
We've Reached a Resolution, For Now
The current plan is to establish a trust with funds designated exclusively for Mom's care.
That's important to me.
I've reiterated that I don't want the money for personal use. I'm not looking to benefit financially from any of this.
The money is intended for Mom.
That includes:
Housing and assisted living expenses.
Furniture and furnishings for her new living space.
Medical expenses and related needs.
Other expenses directly associated with her care and well-being.
The objective is to make sure the resources are available for the person who earned them and needs them.
We have an appointment next Thursday to open the account and move this process forward.
Is everything resolved? No.
Is this the final chapter of the financial discussions? Probably not.
But we've moved from arguing about what should happen to taking a step toward making it happen.
I'll take that progress.
The Next Step: Making Sure Mom Has What She Needs
One of the things I've been trying to accomplish throughout this process is making sure Mom has the resources to live somewhere appropriate.
Assisted living isn't inexpensive. There are monthly costs, potential additional services, furniture, personal items, and medical-related expenses to consider.
I want to make sure we're planning for all of that.
I also want to be clear that this isn't about controlling someone else's money for my benefit. It's about making sure Mom's money is used for Mom.
We've spent enough time going back and forth. Now it's time to put some structure around the finances and start moving forward.
Next Thursday's appointment is an important step.
A Little Time with Mom
I saw Mom on Tuesday after dialysis.
Today, Wednesday, I went to dialysis again, but I didn't make it over to see her.
It was one of those back-to-back days that can be particularly rough. Between the treatment, the time involved, and everything else going on, sometimes I need to recognize that I can't do everything every day.
I plan to see her Saturday.
And I have something for her.
Ivory soap.
Yes, Ivory soap.
It's what she requested, so that's what I'm bringing.
After all the conversations about assisted living, finances, furniture, medical needs, and where she's going to live next, sometimes it's the little things that matter.
Mom wants her soap. Mom gets her soap.
It's a small thing, but it's one more way of showing up.
One Step Forward
I wouldn't describe my relationship with my father as suddenly repaired. There are still plenty of things that need to be worked through.
But for now, we've reached an agreement on how to move forward with Mom's finances.
That's progress.
I've spent considerable time advocating for Mom, researching facilities, touring locations, asking questions, and trying to figure out how to make this next chapter work.
It's been exhausting at times.
There have been days when I've needed to step away, days when I've been frustrated, and days when I wondered whether we'd ever get anywhere.
Now we have an appointment on the calendar.
Next Thursday, we'll take another step.
In the meantime, I'll continue doing what I can, taking care of my own health, keeping up with dialysis, and visiting Mom.
And Saturday, I'll be delivering a very important package.
Ivory soap.
Sometimes moving forward doesn't require a major announcement. Sometimes it's an appointment, an agreement, and a bar of soap.
I'll keep you posted on what happens next.
